Submitted by ThrowRAelliebb2 t3_10k1vg1 in relationship_advice
I have been dating this guy for a bit over two months, I really adore him and see a future together. We have been seeing each other almost every day, spending the nights together, and we text and call all the time. So about a week ago I sat down with him and had "the talk". I told him I have feelings for him and would like give a long-term relationship a try, and asked if he felt the same. Given his behavior for the past months I was pretty confident this was going to be a nice, romantic conversation.
He responded by literally saying: "Define feelings..?" and explaining he "does not like labels or this whole boyfriend-girlfriend-thing". I was very surprised and hurt (and felt a bit humiliated), but said I that I understood and respected it. After that he just went on like nothing had happened, and seemed genuinely confused when I left to sleep at home that night.
I took a week to think about things. I really like him, but I don't like the idea of investing all my time and love in someone that does not feel the same way. So, when I met him yesterday I told him that I wanted to change things. We can still see each other, be friends, and maybe even do cozy or sexy stuff if ever in the mood, but that I would like to have some space to get over my romantic feelings, plus maybe go on some other dates and explore the waters.
He got really upset, saying that I was manipulative and toxic, trying to "force" him to call me his girlfriend or I would go sleep with others. He also said that I was pushy for wanting a definition of the relationship this early in. This made me feel really bad, and I am now questioning my decisions. Maybe part of me wanted to see his reaction when I told him I wanted to go on other dates, not to "force him" to be with me (I wouldn't want that anyway, if I know he does not want it), but to show him that I am not just a silly girl completely in love with him and that I do have options. Maybe that was super toxic. But at the same time, I am just being honest. I don't want to be in a one-sided relationship. Gah, I don't know. I need an outside perspective.
Edit: He told me has never been in a relationship before and that is why the "labels" scare him. He says he does not want any of us to date other people. This guy does not have a f*ck-boy vibe, but rather a socially-awkward "unable to talk to women" kind of vibe. And that somehow makes me even more confused...
Edit 2: Thank you so much for great responses. I am feeling very validated. I guess I worry so much about being "the drama". But now I realize that HE is "the drama". I just want enough answers from him so that we can chill drama free, and he does not offer that - hence drama.