Submitted by Throwaway_forhidden t3_10ks0rg in relationship_advice
I (21F) recently got into a relationship with a guy (25M) and everything has been going pretty okay. He is really social and has lots of friends while I have a little less friends but I do try to be social. This means I can be a little socially awkward. I also have ADHD.
Well this evening I was just chilling in my dorm and one of my friends (22M) texted me wanting to go out to the bar. I said I wasn’t really interested in being in the bar tn so then he just suggested I come over and watch a movie with some light alcohol. I said sure and got dressed and walked to his dorm. I told my bf about it and he was excited I was hanging out with a friend and he asked me who the friend was and I said his name and he knew them. At first it was weird but they are both in the military so kinda made sense. Anywho my bf texted me gn and have fun.
We watched the movie SITTING ON his bed which is big enough for the two of us so there was space. In my opinion very platonic. I told him before I was involved with someone (my current boyfriend).
After we watched the movie, we started just talking about things and at this point I was already a little tipsy. This is when things get blurry. We started watching another show and he asked me if I was ticklish. I said only in one spot (under my feet) but I won’t tell. Tried sides nun, then went for the feet and when he realized that was the place he ended up wrestling me. I was not really comfortable with this because I just felt way too close and tried pushing him off of me. In one moment he turned to me as I’m trying to catch my breath and put his hand on my neck. I froze.
So I took his hand off my neck and pushed him away but he put his hand back on my neck and tried to lean in for a kiss. I pushed him off again and yelled “STOP, I HAVE A BOYFRIEND”. He just explains he didn’t know that we were actually official. So then I asked was me just coming over just for sex (he asked me around 9 o’clock). He said no but it just didn’t feel right. I was really tipsy and kinda worried so I just got up and said I had to leave to get rest for the next day. Said goodbye and left.
My issue. How do I explain this to my boyfriend. I don’t know if he set me up cause he knows him. Idk if he will believe me. I just cried walking back to my dorm cause I felt so violated and terrified (also being pretty intoxicated). What should I do? I want to explain it to him because I’m hurt, I just don’t want him to believe I was asking for it or something. I feel so bad and I don’t know if I didn’t read the room correctly. I just don’t wanna be seen as a cheater when I didn’t want that experience at all.
TDRL: My friend made a sexual advance towards me when I am in a relationship and I don’t know what to do after the fact.
EDIT: there’s two things that need to be clarified.
We were not in bed together laying up underneath each other. We were sitting on the bed watching the screen sitting up. So get the image and vibe of an pre sex movie out of your head cause this was a murder mystery where we were screaming at the movie and getting up trying to solve the mystery.
Stop fixing on me having friends of the opposite sex. My boyfriend has them too. Some of his best friends are women. They hang out and drink a glass of wine or cocktail. This isn’t weird. What is weird is people saying I could never have friends of the opposite sex cause don’t trust men. Like huh? I wouldn’t be friends with them if I didn’t trust them as being a decent human being hence why this whole situation is so shocking and disgusting. Decent human beings don’t try to have sex with someone they know is in a relationship.
Why is it an automatic jump to either accusing me of wanting this to happen in some way (even though I explained an assault) and/or calling me dumb for trusting a friend (male or female)? Saying “sorry but…” doesn’t help and saying “ur stupid u deserve it/saw it coming”doesn’t either. I asked for how to format the conversation in a logical way. If advice on that isn’t available there’s no need to continue to blame me.