Submitted by potato-hips- t3_10m397o in relationship_advice
Boyfriend (32M) of around 3 months invited me (30F) over for dinner at his place. He bought wine, and I declined because it was a work night. He had 2-3 glasses of wine with dinner, and smoked a joint later that night, which I also declined. In the morning around 8a.m. I saw him drinking more wine with breakfast! He shrugged it off like it was no big deal, just a little bit. I was floored and disgusted. Now I question if he drinks in the morning regularly, and doubt his ability to make healthy sound decisions. I have the ick, and need some advice. Am I being too harsh?
Edit: I’m surprised by all the answers. Thanks for the reassurance folks! For more context, I have talked to him about my concerns. He then said he would not drink in the morning again. But this sparked a larger concern for me, such as independence and being able to self-evaluate and make consistent healthy decisions, rather than being told what to do. The fact that this happened at all has totally turned me off! It might be irreconcilable damage.
2nd Edit: I appreciate the comments and I won’t be able to respond to all of them. A common question is if he had work in the morning too- yes he did. Thanks everyone!
3rd Edit: I appreciate the thoughtful comments, including those that have pointed out things about myself that I may be unaware of. I do struggle to know when to end a relationship, and often find it hard to decipher when something feels “uncomfortable enough” to let go. This has resulted in a few long term relationships that went on too long. I will definitely check out the book suggestion: The Gift of Fear. Any other suggestions are appreciated.