Submitted by Lady_Equilibrium t3_10my712 in relationship_advice
Together for four years, and one of the most hurtful things that my (26F) husband (29M) has said to me is that he thinks I have an "average" or "slightly above average" intelligence. His reasoning is that I make be "booksmart" but not "street smart". I'm no Einstein but I pride myself to be smart. I have always been top of my class, have three degrees related to biomedical engineering, and have good common sense and "emotional intelligence". I've even had Professors personaly express to me how impressed they are about me and my learning (huge ego boost ;) ).
My husband on the other hand hasn't gone to college or university but is very sharp and smart. It's one of the things I love most about him. I have admitted to him that I think he is even smarter than me, which proves that you can be very smart with education!
I don't know why, but it hurts my soul that he doesn't think I'm very smart. I care more about this than any other traits. However, it seems like every one else that meets me in different settings (sports, school, work, family, social) thinks I'm extremely intelligent, but not my own husband. We have talked about this and I told him how hurt I am about it (even though he has never been maliciously trying to hurt me), and he says we just maybe define intelligence differently.
How do I accept this fact and prevent my self esteem to be affected? I'm usually a confident woman but this I feel insecure about this matter and have an urge to "prove him wrong".
P.s. My husband is amazing and never has said anything to intentionally hurt me. It is his honest opinion, which perhaps makes it worse.
I would appreciate your help!
EDIT1: Some of you have asked whether he just randomly said it to me. I unfortunately directly asked him (long story of why) and he just gave his honest opinion.
EDIT2: Thanks for all the input. I think why I let it bother me so much is because I hadn't considered myself to be particularly smart until the past few years only. I thought all of my achievements were due to hard work. It was when colleagues and professors in engineering school told me otherwise that I started thinking that maybe I am naturally smart. I just hoped my husband would see it this way too.
EDIT3: I really appreciate all the comments and messages you have sent me. Just to clarify, my problem is NOT him being smarter than me (sometimes he really is!). Rather his opinion which I think doesn't give me as much credit as it should. But as many have said, I shouldn't put my self worth in someone else's hands! Even if he doesn't intentionally try to hurt me, he shouldn't have so much power over my self-steem.