Submitted by ThrowRArecorded t3_10nn7ki in relationship_advice
I (28F) recently had a falling out with a friend (31M). We have been casual friends for several years and run in the same circles, so we have a lot of mutuals together. We started hanging out one-on-one last year when I bought a townhome in the neighborhood next to his.
I cut ties with him for many reasons but the final straw was I discovered he was secretly recording me whenever we hung out. I was extremely disturbed by it. I sent him a long text letting him know I no longer wanted to be friends and listed several reasons, but I emphasized the non-consensual recording as my top one.
In response my friend begged to have one last conversation to bring some closure to our friendship. I felt scummy for trying to end a friendship over text. I agreed to meet at a coffee shop. I also decided to secretly record our meeting. I recognized it was kind of hypocritical of me but I knew my friend had manipulative tendencies and I was a little bit afraid for me.
During our talk my friend claimed he was seeing a therapist who encouraged him to record his conversations so they could review them and work on his interpersonal skills. I said he should do what he needs to do, but I didn't consent to being recorded and I was not okay with being part of this.
He responds by pulling out a huge stack of papers. He had printed out all the text conversations we've had. He started reading out random passages and asking me to clarify my responses. Some of these conversations were months old and he asked me questions with zero context like, "What did you really mean when you said 'lol your dog could cut a b**'?" I just became really flustered, I had no idea what was going on and he kept interrupting me.
Eventually I managed to convey that we were going nowhere with this. I didn't want to be friends anymore. If we ran into each other at hangouts with mutuals I was fine with that, but he will not be welcome in my home in the future. I have relistened to the recording and I hate how I sound when I said this, my voice is completely hysterical.
He said he understood we needed a break from each other and I can reach out to be friends again when I was ready. He said he was sorry I felt the way I did, he has control over the rest of my life but he has no control over my feelings. When I got up to leave he pulls out his tape recorder, the one I found running while he was visiting my home. He said he didn't record our conversation today, he brought it but it's off. He then made a comment that sounded strongly like a threat: "Watch we could go viral together on TikTok."
As I was driving home I started getting calls and texts from friends asking WTF was going on. Apparently he had immediately called all of our friends and put me on blast saying I had been the one SECRETLY RECORDING HIM and making threats against his life, and he cut ties with me because he no longer felt safe hanging out with me. Two days later my brother calls me, concerned. My friend had dialed him and left a message saying I was threatening to kill people. My friend has NEVER met my brother and I don't know how he got his number. This makes me really nervous because I work in a public facing role where my workplace contact info and my business relationships are readily documented.
I'm just really nervous about my friend's threats about sending recordings of me to people? Or posting them online? I'm not ashamed of who I am but I don't remember what I say in private?? We had a completely platonic relationship and the only circumspect thing I remember doing is smoking weed together. It just feels incredibly violating. I checked and I live in a one party consent state for recordings. I've never experienced something like this so any advice would be appreciated.