Submitted by throwrainherithouse t3_10nxmj7 in relationship_advice
My parents (60s) were in an accident about a month ago over the holidays. My dad passed away immediately, but my mom was in the hospital mostly unconscious for a few days before she also passed away.
My brother (33M) and I have both been in a lot of emotional pain and it’s been especially hard because we live on opposite coasts and don’t see each other often. He’s been handling our parents’ financial matters (he works in finance professionally) and I’m super grateful that he’s taken so much stress and pressure off of me by handling it all.
The issue is my parents’ house. I don’t know exactly what it’s worth, but it’s $1.5 million according to zillow. My brother bought it for them at the beginning of the pandemic and I’m not sure what exactly their financial arrangement was, but I think my parents were just paying utilities and maintenance and my brother was covering everything else. My brother makes a lot more money than I do, and I haven’t contributed anything to that house at all. As far as I’m concerned, the house is my brother’s after my parents’ passing.
My husband for some reason has the idea that we should be getting half of the value of the house. He says that it doesn’t matter if my brother bought it because it was a gift to my parents and therefore after their death, it should go to both me and my brother equally. He’s bringing this topic up 1-2 times per week for the last month since my mom’s passing and it’s increasingly pissing me off. My responses have ranged from “my parents just died, I don’t want to think about this right now”, to “my brother is taking care of it, he’ll handle it fairly”, and “my brother paid for the house anyway, it’s his and I’m not going to try to take half of it”.
Both my husband and I work corporate desk jobs, and while we get by ok, finances are somewhat tight, and obviously getting a huge financial windfall would help a ton. I get the impression that my husband is resentful of my brother’s profession. In 2021 we gathered at my brother’s house for the holidays and that was my husband’s first time meeting my family in person. He made an offhand comment about how nice it must be to be rich. We all brushed it off at the time, but recently he’s been making snide remarks about how my brother is a hotshot banker who’s taking advantage of me by “stealing” half of my inheritance. My family grew up poor and I’m so proud of my brother for being successful in such a high-stress career. Every time my husband makes this type of snide remark it really sets me off and we get into an argument about the house and other things.
How do I get my husband to stop expecting a huge inheritance? He keeps bringing up the fact that we’re planning to start a family soon and the money would help a ton. I don’t know if I have a legal claim to 50% of the house, and frankly I don’t care. Even if I got half the house, I’d give it right back to my brother since he paid for it. But my husband said that since we’re married, I can’t just make that decision myself because technically half of that inheritance would belong to him too. I don’t know when my husband got so greedy.
I’m not looking for legal or financial advice. I’m trying to figure out how to better communicate with my husband, because at this point I’m starting to rethink my marriage.
Thanks in advance for your advice and help.