I wonder, is there no way to work on this while being in the relationship? I just don’t know how to bring this up. “Sorry, can’t be with you because I’m insecure.” You know what I mean? This is the first and only thing in the relationship that is bothering me, I would hope there’s some way I can manage this without ending it. I can’t imagine how I’d get experience otherwise. But thank you for the advice.

I agree, but think of it this way, there is still the possibility of getting back together one day when you have a better opinion of your self.

It’s going to be hard to let him go, we are otherwise very happy together. Hard to imagine a life without him. But I will have to give this some thought. Thanks!

Hold off on dating for awhile and just focus on yourself and improving your self esteem.

Sorry, I should’ve clarified. How can I mentally work through this so that I am prepared to be in a relationship? Am I doomed forever, no chance at changing?

Thank you so much. This is good advice. I would hope that this is something I can work on and get better at, it doesn’t actually tear at me all day every day. Just in the late hours of the night I get reminded and I’m like “oh.” And it stings. But he’s worth it. I’m going to try the writing down and verbal affirmations. Thank you so much!

Not be in a relationship

I know this is such a cliched answer but I wouldn't be doing my due diligence if I didn't lead with it: have you looked into therapy?

You're dealing with multiple issues that would really benefit from some professional guidance from a mental health professional. You've experienced the undeniably challenging battle of gender dysphoria and transition, which not many users on here will be able to truly understand. That, coupled with the jealousy and paranoia is very difficult to deal with, I imagine.

I'm in BPD recovery so I'm not stranger to intrusive paranoid thoughts. Sometimes I'd be in so much distress that my brain will keeping telling me "everyone hates you" when my eyes and ears can see that's COMPLETELY untrue. Verbal affirmations really, really, helped me through that. I write down the things I know to be true, irrespective of my feelings. I meditate and repeat them and it allows myself to battle the part of my brain that's messing with me. I hope that helps.

I see. What can I do about this?

Maybe you're not mature enough to be in a relationship yet. I'm sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear, I'm just trying to be honest with you.

[removed]

Sometimes its necessary. Use that thought to forge ahead with what you need to do. I'm happy to see it got through to you.

Yeah. I truly do try to communicate but he doesn’t want to hear how I feel, it makes him angry all of a sudden. His dad is the only one who tries talking to him and asking him to not be such an enabler since his parents are divorced but his mom and siblings leech on and he doesn’t want to cut them off apparently.

You’re right which is what leaves me in a tough spot because we used to be doing fine but now it’s all these arguments over his family. Thank you for being blunt with me

I think the most telling thing is you saying you're scared of your husband. You aren't being unreasonable. He's putting other people above the family yall have created and he's willing to put yall in harms way at the very least financially. This closeness of his family just sounds like toxic codependency. I would have a hard time having my kids grow up in that environment learning those lessons. Couples therapy or divorce is all I can think.

[removed]

[removed]

He told you he's going to put you into debt to fund his family and your first instinct is not to divorce him? You had kids therefore they come before your feelings and right now your husband is sabotaging their future. Also the dynamic between you is what your children will model in their future relationships. Either letting their partner walk all over them or walking all over their partner and being someone you are ashamed of.

[removed]

Wow. I'd talk to a divorce lawyer. He and his whole family is too much!

I got to soon at some point. It's my life anyway

Less than a year to a year and a half is too soon to move in with someone. 'several months' is wayyyyy too soon.

[removed]

We've been dating for several months. Now obviously I wanna give it some time and save up a bit for food, transportation, clothes etc, and graduate school before moving. I also have other family to stay with if things backfire.

How long have you been dating? Can you afford to live with him and save money? If you live with him, will you still be able to get to your job with no car?

If you live with him and you break up, will you be able to leave? Will you have somewhere to go if things get bad?

Do not trap yourself in a situation you can't get out of. Its better to work to be independent than to live with someone just to get away from your parents.