Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

MX-Nacho t1_ja863h6 wrote

It was meant to be reductionist. And made you cough up circumstances that you hadn't (like who dumped whom).

Well, if I was BF2, I would feel used by you if you dumped me just to go for your ex, and if I was your ex and found out about everything, I would still feel weird. One way or another, you should break up with BF2, as it is unfair on him if you just keep comparing him to another guy. Then check if BF1 is available.

5

Girls4super t1_ja85b11 wrote

I would talk to her in person when she comes back. Or text her asking if you two can have a house meeting to chat since she’s been gone so long. Then mention hey it really bothered me when you moved my stuff all the time before, can we come up with a compromise so you don’t get frustrated when I do x, and I don’t get frustrated when you do y?

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1

DrHugh t1_ja84tmg wrote

If her name is on the lease and her share of the rent is being paid, she has a legal right to be there. Your flow isn't relevant; you've been enjoying reduced rent without having to cope with a roommate.

Unless you are willing to pay all the rent yourself, and suggest to her that it might be better for her to find a place on her own, you don't have much in the way of options, except moving out yourself.

43

PsychologicalPanda84 OP t1_ja84aky wrote

Here’s the thing, he works in IT! And you’re right, it’s basic knowledge! I only did so because the email came from benaughty.com, He clicked on it multiple times too trying to show me it’s not his account. He was even messing with the location. So isn’t it a red flag that he didn’t automatically think or say “wait no babe why did you click on that link! It’s a virus!” Instead, he got mad and gave me the silent treatment for about an hour. Came into the room and then tried to “prove me wrong” by editing his profile.

2

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1

Puzzleheaded-Face-69 OP t1_ja83ky8 wrote

I dumped my ex fiancé because of my religious indoctrination. It tore me apart that my church leaders wouldn’t allow me to be with who I loved. I started my deprogramming on my own but was still morally against marijuana, my current bf changed my mind on marijuana… I agree that that’s an improvement I just think your comment just seems reductionist

0

sarusagi t1_ja83gw8 wrote

If it's a case that you've had this conversation multiple times before then my response is a little different.

Fact is, people only change if they themselves see a need to change. From the looks of things, you bringing it to his attention makes him take action, but then after a while he feels like he's done enough and then goes back to what he usually does because THAT'S what feels natural to him.

A sad thing we have to accept sometimes is that we sometimes don't gel with people as well as we want to. If this is something that you've been feeling long term and that even after talking about it not much changes for long then maybe this isn't the relationship you'll find your forever happiness in.

However, if you do end up deciding to leave him over the fact you two feel incompatible in your need to feel loved and cared for enough on a consistent basis, don't do so with running to your ex as your back-up plan because unless you guys stayed BFFs after breaking up, who knows where he is in his life right now mentally and relationship-wise, or if he's moved on himself. Consider if you'd be okay with the option of being alone until you find someone you feel loves you need in order to flourish, so you don't end up heartbroken if it doesn't end up with a happily ever after like Disney.

1

Puzzleheaded-Face-69 OP t1_ja82az1 wrote

You’re right, the conversation shouldn’t be about my ex it should be about how I want to be loved. I’m just worried it won’t work because it’s a conversation we have had many times about him loving me but I just don’t feel it, love languages etc, he does better for a week then goes back…

1

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  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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1

sarusagi t1_ja81w1r wrote

Here's one thing about relationships and partners: except in a few cases where couples have been together a REALLY long time. The other person isn't going to be a mind reader and know what you need. Also, not everyone has the same kind of love language or need for intimacy so if you've never mentioned to your boyfriend that you'd like him to make more efforts before, it seems a little unfair to just assume he's not good enough or as good as your ex.

Relationships, especially as you get on in life take a LOT of communication about really boring things like bills or finances, to embarrassing things like in the bedroom or medical stuff.

You can talk to your boyfriend about how you'd like him to make more effort to make you feel loved without talking about your ex or comparing him. I can guarantee you that discussing your ex in such a way will turn him off regardless of if he'd like to make an effort for you or not as it'd be clear that you're not over him and/or actively thinking about/missing him.

3