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There is so many things wrong if this is a biological brother. Incest is illegal. Also, not to mental all the genetic abnormalities that can happen with the baby. Please get a paternity test asap.

Yes that’s the issue here is that my baby could be subject to stigma. I’m legally unable to abort at this point. I should have done before but I was ignoring the situation hoping it would go away.

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You’re not the head of the household you’re acting as if you’re equal partners and you’re not

There’s a lot of things wrong with this

Your biological brother? Honestly, I would get a paternity test and if it’s not too late for an abortion, I’d seriously consider that. A child born of incest can have a miserable life, and it’s cruel to do that. But at the very least, get a paternity test so you know.

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You know who's down voting.

Tell your parents she stole your money!

Oh it’s been on my mind for a few months (even though we always had these problems I never really saw how bad it was until we had a kid). I am extremely non confrontational (to a fault) and have a history of minimizing my feelings/experiences, which is why I wanted to lay it out here to see if there was anything to what I was feeling. Not to mention the logistics of trying to figure out where I would go, custody, finances, having no idea how he would react if I did leave, etc etc

Hey, I just want to say that my situation is extremely similar to what you wrote and I finally got to the end of my rope and asked for a divorce. (I also have two young kids, I also am very financially set, married for 10 years, etc.)

Women like this always need to be the victim of societal oppression, no matter how much you give. Just because having children is an asymmetrical burden for moms, that doesn’t give her free reign to take you for granted and treat you like a servant - especially since it sounds like you’re a great provider and attentive father.

No matter what you do (vacations, nannies, cars, homes, chores, running baths, childcare, etc.) it will never be enough - and it doesn’t matter to her that she provides you with far less than you provide her. You will begin to deeply resent her lack of understanding or reciprocation. I went without sex for 4 years in a marriage like this before I had enough and realized that it’s my responsibility to be a role model for my children in how they are treated in relationships.

You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it.

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This is a great message. Thank you for the kick in the butt on what I have felt we needed for a while with counseling. We have a pretty good marriage but we have these "bread and butter" challenges that slowly erode what is working well. You nailed it..."its not a competition". And "I suspect the message you're getting is not the one she's meaning to send" yeah I think you are right. Thank you.

You seem like a great partner.

It sounds like your wife is really struggling but not expressing it well. Do you think she’d be open to therapy?

> I feel that I am doing a LOT for the family, and although I don't think her days are easy I get frustrated when I am made to feel like her life is so much harder than mine and that I don't have to deal with the same challenges she does.

All together, you and your wife are responsible for: parenting two very young kids + one full-time job + managing a household. That's a lot. That's more than 2 persons' worth of work. You are both really tired, overworked and stressed out.

It's not a competition. You shouldn't compare yourself to her and try to figure out "who has it worse".

It sounds like you both need to work on expressing appreciation for each other and also getting to the heart of what the other person is communicating (because "sending Instas to my husband" is a very weird roundabout way of communicating, and I suspect the message you're getting is not the one she's meaning to send.)

Have you looked into couples counseling? This is bread-and-butter stuff for a marital therapist.

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And you are not plannin to leave asap even with this help?

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Yes! I am in individual therapy as well and my therapist is wonderful. Just can’t meet with them as often as I’d like and these thoughts have just been overwhelming to deal with lately.

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