Why do I feel like this post is total bullshit?

Have you discussed having her go back to work after the youngest start preschool? Some people just aren’t built to be stay at home parents. I know I get bored out of my brain if I am between work for more than a month at a time. It sounds like your wife is similar.

It is so important to be sexually compatible. To feel truly in love, safe, treasured, and cherished you need to be on the same page. I’m sorry, but I don’t recommend staying together.

you’re amazing thank you sooo much!!!!

Ok, I've got a list then.

1. Stop with the negative self talk. Even if you believe negative things about yourself, I'm gonna challenge you right now to stop saying them. It might be hard to catch yourself in the act, but please try.

2. Notice your values. You absolutely have them. Maybe you can draw well. Maybe you're good at making pancakes. Maybe you did a nice thing for someone once. It can be big, it can be small. Try to remember those.

3. Stop dating guys. Date yourself. I mean it. Take yourself to see that movie you wanna see. Go to a park or gardens or museum or someplace, walk at your own pace - no need to speed up or slow down for anyone. Learn how to have the perfect bubble bath. Buy yourself flowers! Those are things I did - I treated myself like a queen and it was fantastic.

4. An extension of 3. Look yourself in the mirror and look for good. Maybe one day your skin is a little clearer, or your hair is behaving better than usual. Maybe, like me, you get yourself well-fitting fancy bras and matching panties so you can look at yourself and say my GOD those curves are looking good! Did you know that statues of Aphrodite, goddess of beauty, had stomach rolls?

5. A thing that helped me eat: learning about how damn amazing the human body can be. Scrape your knee? Your body's got you! Sending all the white blood cells to defend you, platelets to fix you up! Get sick? It's on alert to defend you. Need to run somewhere? It's preparing to get oxygen where you need it so you can get there! The show Cells at Work was good for me. Made me look at my body more as a friend on my side, that I wanted to feed as thanks. My therapist told me "You deserve nutrients" and I still repeat that to myself regularly when I don't feel like eating

6. Self care routine. Set yourself bedtimes, working times, meal times. Self care stops being a choice and becomes a habit

Hope that helps! It might not all work for you, but it helped me

Like I said, PATIENCE! PATIENCE PATIENCE PATIENCE! Sure, get to know him, but it’s TOO EARLY to tell if you want to get serious yet. Find out if he’s kind. Good to people. Respectful of others in the world. Good with animals, nice to a waiter. Look for little things that tell you the quality of him. Only THEN can you really decide if he’s worth you being serious about. And it goes both ways. You may not be the right one for him. Take time, don’t rush and you’ll see. I wish you good luck! <3

thank you so much!! he’s someone i definitely want to get to know and get serious with.

Gotcha. I’ve been in some long ones so here’s what I would advise for you. Patience. A man aged 25 probably had plans with friends on a weekend. Also, hanging out on SC gets old, and for many guys can be a flag that you’re not serious about a real pursuit. If you want to get to know him, do it directly. Too many young men and women today cannot have a normal conversation over dinner because they’re ONLY used to SC and get awkward spending time with each other, and he’s probably not looking for that situation. The fact that he asked for your number is actually probably a good sign that he’d rather have a normal conversation. Go hang out somewhere and get to know each other (phones put away).

Correct, and therein lies the conundrum for you. Are you wanting to be in the child’s life simply to be in it (even in the periphery), or was that conditional based on how much your half-sister engages you from the start? You have to decide what “the point” was in the first place, and act accordingly.

of course! and i’m plus size so i also feel worried that he won’t like me like this either idk it’s hard and confusing i don’t know what to do

That sounds really tough. Feeling that low is a hard way to live. I've dealt with eating trouble myself. I've had friends go through low points like that too. Could I recommend some things that I've seen help?

well, honestly i’m been feeling horrible about myself also starving myself in a way like i’ll stop myself from eating and even drinking water. i always feel like i’m no good for anyone so that hasn’t changed i just don’t know what to do or how to talk with a guy because i feel like alot of them just want sex. i’m still a virgin and he hasn’t said anything about that yet

Sounds like a lot of self doubt and need for validation. How've you been feeling about yourself lately? How do you usually feel going into a relationship? In the one I described, I had hit a low point. I was lonely, and he gave me attention. I was usually so much more self-assured, so I didn't feel like myself when I kept checking to see if he responded yet.

These things happen. Doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, but it might be worth checking in with yourself

Then there’s no point in being in this child’s life if she makes no effort to be in mine.

Blah blah blah post this 10000000 times already HIRE A CLEANER.

I’ll be blunt here: just because you are more closely related does not mean you are automatically closer as people and your closing line about being “actual siblings” says it all. They obviously get along better with each other, and that’s fine. You’re not automatically entitled to be a feature in their lives just because of your parents. If anything, what I get from your post is that you seem to resent that “your sibling” is close to “their cousin” as if it somehow needs to be about you. You mention that you see this person once or twice a year. Why wouldn’t they (and the coming child) be closer to the people they see very often and who they enjoy life with day to day, “actual sibling” aside?

Unfortunately for you, she's not obligated to any particular relationship with you. She's an adult and she's allowed to be as close with or as distant from you as she wants to be, just like you're allowed to do the same with her. Do you reach out and try to connect? If not, it might be worth a shot if you want to be closer and want a real role as an aunt - connections take effort. But also, with 8 years between you, she was old enough to potentially feel like you were her replacement to her shared parent or other similarly resentful feelings, which aren't uncommon for half siblings raised in different houses, but at the time she was not old enough to really be understanding about the shared parent building a new family and that might still be where she's at with you.

Only you can really decide if trying to build a relationship with your impending nibling makes sense. I can tell you that you never really know where personalities will fall and connections will be made. But also, if you're going to bring any bitterness about the lack of connection with their mom into it, I wouldn't bother - kids can sense that kind of thing and it won't end well. Only try to connect if it's something you genuinely want to do and you aren't going to be resentful if you're not as close to their family as the cousins on the other side. If you try to get involved, get involved because you want to get to know your nibling as a person - you want to see them grow up, find out who they're going to be, support them through their hard times, and be someone they can go to if they feel like they can't go to their parents. Connect because you want to invest in them, protect them, and celebrate them. Not because you feel some weird half assed obligation to show up randomly because you share a parent with their parent - neither you nor they need or want that.

i did feel like i was bothering him in a way. I’ve never really done anything with a guy so i’m super lost

because i felt like i was bothering him in a way that he didn’t wanna talk to me. i’ve never been in a “relationship” so i really don’t know what to do

Not too complicated. He wants to talk on the phone instead of an app, and not everyone lives on social media all day. The counter-question i have for you is, why would you delete a conversation with someone you’ve “been trying to talk to” because you didn’t hear from him for a couple of days over a weekend. If you’re that impatient, then are you really ready to date someone who probably just had something going on during the weekend like any adult could?

I don't know enough to give advice, but I can tell you what it reminds me of. Once I was just starting a relationship with a guy, and I noticed how I needed to talk to him daily, and a weekend with no contact drove me nuts. I felt like he didn't care and I was really hurt.

Some time later (a year? Probably?) I realized - I was NOT ready for a relationship. I started that one so insecure, so desperate for validation, I'm not proud of it. After that relationship ended, I was able to get comfortable on my own, build my confidence back, and eventually start fresh.

Every mistake teaches me something new. From that, I learned the rule "never start a relationship until you feel comfortable alone"

Our shared parent puts a lot of effort in wanting to see her and has get togethers with her. There is also a shared element (a trust fund) that my sibling has with her cousins. My parents say it bonds them. But yes I should put effort in like my parent does.

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Sounds like your half-sibling found other family members she relates to better. That's life. It's wonderful if you can be close to someone in your family, but it's not a given. If you need to spend some time with your half-sibling, call her up and ask to do something just the two of you instead of meeting at these gatherings with lots of other people around.

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