Yeah, no. It's fine to have a preference for body shape/sizes, but this line is too much

>I don’t want to be hanging around with my friends and thinking that THEY could be thinking I could do better than you”.

He's essentially saying all your traits are irrelevant, and your weight is the be all end all. He is ridiculously shallow, and there are way too many people in the world to stay with someone who values a number on the scale over who you as a person are.

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>do I lose the additional 260 lbs

Oh honey, that's going to be the quickest weight you'll ever drop - get rid!!

Also.. can we just talk about how your current weight is sti less than his weight? What's his problem

I basically came here to say exactly what this comment said. So I won’t repeat their excellent advice.

What I will say is that as someone who is also a parent with a young child (who just started kindergarten and it’s a BIG change that the whole family is struggling with) I understand how easy it is to accidentally make someone else’s crappy feelings about yourself. Like, I can tell right now my husband is flat and exhausted because he’s been taking our son in the mornings before doing long days at the hospital as a medical student. I’m also exhausted because I’m doing pick ups, working full time and being newly pregnant. We’re both working really hard, and we both feel pretty shit. And when I see how tired and flat he is, I often feel really guilty because he’s doing so much, but also angry because I know how much I’M doing and part of me is like…. I’m trying so hard and he’s still feeling burnt out so what’s the point of me making an effort?

But of course, it’s not about me. Just like my exhaustion is not about him, or rather about him somehow having it easy or letting me down. One of the hardest things we can learn how to do is let our partners feel like crap without trying to fix it, because sometimes there’s nothing to fix. Which is not to say that counselling wouldn’t help you - I think it really would - I guess what I’m saying is that your wife expressing negativity doesn’t necessarily make that something you need to feel responsible for. You don’t have to pick up what she’s putting down, because realistically, she’s not putting it down for you - she’s putting it down for herself, so she doesn’t have to carry it for a little bit. Personally I think there are much more effective ways for her to handle the strain she’s under than what she’s currently doing, but I also think a good old fashioned whinge can be extremely important and cathartic. It might just need to be tempered with a more balanced and optimistic approach overall. And I think you could also benefit from some support around how you can let your wife feel her feelings (even the unpleasant ones) without it being something you feel responsible for changing.

Oh my good lord, NO

Nothing good will come out of that conversation. You do not need anything else to fixate on. Just accept that she's happy to be with you.

Pretty sure your family won't care as they only want you to be happy. You say he was shit and they will instantly forget him.

Leave the slime bag. Better off without him

You deserve so much better than that, the number on the scale shouldnt matter. Im sorry someone is treating you this way OP, I would drop him too

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For some people, it's an easy discussion because there is no issues with things like retroactive jealousy or feeling like their partner is...ahem... "used", for others it's felt to be a required topic for whatever reason and then sometimes they allow it to eat away at their relationship - be it retroactive jealousy or the aforementioned "used", or simply to see if the other person aligns with their outlook on it all - which can also cause the relationship to fall apart due to differing morality, values, what have you.

If you genuinely feel that the past is the past and have no desire to allow it to dictate your future, then I would suggest not talking about it. To what end would it serve in this case? You already know she has slept with more people than you have.

I would just tell her that you would not be comfortable with the topic and thar the past is the past and you aren't going to judge her for it.

I think she's already aware that if you found out how many people she's been with you'll leave her. Which from what you've posted here is a very real possibility, that's why she's asked you so pointedly.

To me body count just doesn't matter at all, you could have slept with 6 or 600 people and it makes no difference (although I'd be curious about the 600 lol)

I think you need to gey your head straight before you have the conversation - if it isn't an "acceptable" number to you what are you going to do? If she genuinely doesn't know what are you going to do?

And then I'd just say, look let's just get an awkward conversation out of the way, how many people have you been with? And go from there.

Anecdotally though, everyone I've met with a low number of sexual partners has had really messy divorces and regretted marrying with so little experience. All my old ho friends (and me!) Are much happier/secure in our relationships. So I just wanted to pitch it's not always black and white :)

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Thanks I needed to hear this

He’s close or used to be close with my parents! He stays in our house way back and usually talks to my dad about everything my dad is almost 60 yo btw and I appreciated everything he did to me and my fam, thats all

Yeah I guess

>I just want him to talk to my dad again.

What?

>We haven't talked for almost five months now,

You aren't in love with this man, stop

Seens like he might also have a low libido in general.

How does that conversation happen? How many people have you slept with seems like a bad way to start a conversation.

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From my own experience of 26 year marriage, yes, you should absolutely dsicuss it and both of you shouold be absolutely transparent. Then both of you need either accept each other or end it and if you do accept it then never bring it up again.

If you do not discuss it it will haunt you forever like it did in my marriage until many many years we did discuss it and it was more painful had it been before we got married.

Nothing, absolutely nothing in a happy healthy marriage should be a taboo. Complete openess is a prerequisite t oa happy long marriage.

I understand what you're saying, and can definitely frame it that way without upsetting her. Thank you!

If it were me, I’d frame it around the past being exactly that, how happy you are with the present and how what’s been and gone doesn’t matter. I’d want to make it as non-confrontational as possible, while still making the point that I don’t want to know.

If that makes sense..

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