You're right, he might leave. But I don't want to have sex or be FWB. That's part of what I no longer want to feel pressured to do. I really feel like I want to know him a lot deeper before continuing to share my body and life with him. He definitely has the right to say "no thanks" and find someone else

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There’s no way to make someone agree to it. You just have to be honest about how you’re feeling. You owe it to him, and to yourself.

Your post is so vague that it’s hard to give good advice.

I don’t know what you mean by “girlfriend duties” or what it is that you want to dial back.

Obviously you need to speak with him but you need to be far more specific than you are here or he isn’t going to have a clue what you’re asking for.

I reminded her several times of the marriage vow and she went ballistic in particular in that I would need to take our child since she may bring strange men to her house

You don't. Just have the chat and if he leaves he leaves. Be prepared to be nothing more than a friends with benefits

Move in 2026, as already planned.

Either way around, visit as often as possible.

Your wife's reasons are as valid as your reasons, so there is no simple solution to this problem.

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It can be possible if all sides are polyamorous. Pursuing other people when in relationship with monogamous person is just cheating.

Totally unacceptable as he is married. The males should have still slept in the same room. Not sure if you have a husband but mentioned the word. If you have a husband too, it is also twice as inappropriate for you to share a solo room with him.

Even if nothing happened, this kind of actions put cracks in a relationship and can potentially damaged even healthy ones.

Maybe it is time you stop waiting for things to happen and you make them happen for yourself.

Your husband has turned out to be a cheater and lazy manbaby. You gave up your interests for him.

Start taking those interests back. Get a job as a Uber driver or do door dash to start making some money for yourself. Sketch out a five year plan for yourself. "In five years I will have my own place, my own job and freedom to do what I want". Then work backwards. A place of your own may take time. Maybe the house has to be sold and the equity has to be split. Maybe things will be tough financially, but that will be less of a problem then living whatever it is that you are living with now.

No doubt in my mind that meaningful change has to come from you. You might as well make self-centered plans because elevating you is not his priority.

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Assuming you are in earnest and events are portrayed correctly... you can't. She is dead set on this and thinks you attempting to convince her out of it is you being a misogynistic control freak. You should get what she is saying in writing, be it texts or emails, even facebook messages, and then go to talk to a divorce lawyer. Even if prostitution is legal in Nevada, I think it would be a slam dunk to get a divorce on the grounds that your formerly not-a-sex-worker wife is trying to become one.

This just seems wierd, most people would save their porn as favorites on said porn pages and not in notes.

That said porn is fantasy and not reality. Don't get in your own head over this.

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Why would you stay in a relationship with someone if you are this unhappy?

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You can't. Simply state you will be a monogamous marriage or will not be marriage at all. You can start divorce immediately, you suspect something us already going on.