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It sounds to me from your comments that there's a lot of other elements in your marriage that you'll find are actually not healthy for you once you start unpacking things in therapy.

Just because something was the best choice for you to escape one abusive situation as a teenager, it doesn't mean that it will always be the best life you can lead. In fact, it makes you more vulnerable to controlling behaviour and emotional abuse from your partner.

You deserve so much more, and I really hope that therapy can help you to believe that and build a better life for yourself.

Re: your friends all loving him, I'd like to think that they might pleasantly surprise you, but if it feels unsafe then trust your instincts.

Thank you so much! I do feel I kinda always rely on other people to help me fix my issue. I’ve been even trying to focus on my own life. I walk my dog three times a day and cook and study, go to school and gym. Even though im busy enough I still miss him a lot. At the beginning I was dating him for fun, I’ve been even trying dating and talking to 15 guys at the same time to not feel lonely. But he’s the only one I want to talk now and he has already seen I changed a lot. I have nothing to do at the beginning, no hobby no my own life busy with dating. I really want to know what I can do to let him don’t feel stressful anymore and make him believe I will be better myself. I would like to change everything for him and for myself.

Beyond that reason, I don’t know. There isn’t really one I’ve heard.

Not entirely. I have a close friend that's a narcissist, everyone knows it, and it allows all of us to understand her and how we interact with eachother. Sometimes she tries really hard not to react and behave in certain ways, and sometimes she's a cold, annoying bitch, but hey...I still love her.

Well at certain points he said he doesn’t see a future with me, and that’s why. But he also took that back when we were getting along, and at several points did agree to pay rent, etc.

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What is his reason for not contributing?

He does work, we work at the same place and he makes more than I do.

Does he not work?

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If you’re interested in continuing the relationship (although I think at this point I’d run, with a partner who didn’t seem interested in pulling their own weight) I would ask him to move in officially, agree to going half and half with all expenses. Give him a date that you’d need to know by. Make it clear that if he doesn’t agree, due to not being able to support yourself in this position, you’ll be getting a new roommate (and at that point I’d probably also consider ending the relationship or at least taking a big step back).

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I’m keeping talking to my therapist about those. He just asked me to be patient and I’ve been working on this so much! I used to be cry every time when guys leave me and go back to their home. Now I’m already way much better. I am hearing his feelings. But I don’t know how to prove my sincerity to change this and improve myself. I just don’t know what to do.. he wants a gf to meet occasionally but in that case I have to hold my feelings, which makes him feel bad as well. What can I tell him what should I do…

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then I’m not allowed to do it.

Allowed should not be a word that is used between 2 grown adults. She doesn't *allow* you to try out dancing. You sign up, you go and try it out and decide if you like it. If you do, you keep going. If your wife is using this as a form of control, which is never a good dynamic.

>when you were dating, did you regularly travel to Canada and give it a real chance?

I've been twice, once when we first met in person and once for a holiday. Both times were amazing, I just can't put my finger on why. I guess for moves as big as this I want to have obvious signs of it being a good idea.

Maybe this is just cold feet, I just want to make sure it works out.

I think anyone you pursue a relationship with deserves to know your diagnosis. I know most narcissists have a comfortable knack for lying, but that doesn't make it okay.

"He doesn't seem to have that value" yet you continue to foster that lack of values by not teaching him otherwise. Do you find a parasite to be a healthy long term play??

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Okay. You need to see a therapist. This was one month. One month. That’s not patience. You need some help. That’s not a slam. He doesn’t want this and you aren’t hearing him. It was way too early to be acting like this. Please seek out a therapist because life doesn’t need to be this hard.

Jealousy is a serious issue. Usually folks with jealousy start out harmless enough, but they usually devolve into the stereotype of jealous partners. Just because your boyfriend hasn’t slipped into the stereotype yet doesn’t mean that he won’t.

He needs to start seeing a therapist. Immediately. His jealousy is a problem that is impacting his every day life. At this point he is not emotionally mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.

I feel for the girl.

Your age difference isn't that bad. Your emesment with your parents is the issue.

I feels this is too fast as well. But we’ve been seeing everyday for a month. I feel I’ve already known him pretty much.

I did have one experience similar like this before. The first guy I’ve been dating I cried for the first date because I like him a lot( idk just for no reason) and I want to jump into a relationship immediately with him. I kept telling him I wants to see him again. And he told me he was scared and stressful for the first date.

I thought he would ghost me but we met the second time, he cried in front of me as well cause he told me he likes me as well but not too much and still wants to meet me. He’s scared of making commitment because we only met TWICE…..

I know this is so ridiculous lmao.. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…