You're in a toxic relationship and its no wonder why you always feel like you're in the wrong. Your BF is emotionally abusive and makes you feel worthless.

This would be a good time to break things off and block all contact.

Please take our advice and officially end the relationship.

Write down all the home expenses and sit down with him. Figure out a number that he will contribute and when it’s due. You keep complaining about bills but I don’t see that you’ve actually discussed it.

Yeah, no come on man necessary haha believe me I know. I’m more asking about the features of the app, like dating vs bff, before confronting. It isn’t going to end well either way 🤷‍♂️ but I do want to know. Thanks for your response

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Liz has every right to not want to continue the friendship. If she had romantic feelings for you (secret or not) being friends with you may be painful for her, so the best course of action for her own mental health would be to end the friendship.

I understand what you did is 100% normal in your culture, but it's unrealistic for you to be living in a different culture and expect them to be completely understanding of your home culture.

> Yesterday, the therapist I am going to mentioned that my SO is the one that maybe needs therapy too. And is treating me unfairly by making me be extremely tough on myself, changing the perception that I have of myself.

there is your answer right there.

> don't feel safe in this relationship anymore, at the same time I don't know how to go from here. Or even how to end it.

"hey, its over..have a nice life"'..then you block the person and move on with life...no need to send me any reply back with endless reasons why you can't do this.

Unfortunately once the dick dips in, it is too late for second thoughts.

Perhaps another way to look at it, is a few moments of eye rolling worth possibly fracturing your relationship?

she literally cut you out of pics, and what a coincidence, shes on a dating app with those said pics....come on man, you are in a relationship with a woman who apparently wants to date others. I mean if youre okay with that, then great. But doesnt sound like you are. You are 100 percent naïve though, if you think this was a mistake.

> How can I convince Liz that she has no right to end our friendship over something so small?

You can't. Because she does have the right to end your friendship, for whatever reason. You don't have a right to have her in your life.

She’s a little caddy, a little young, and a little competitive. All of her opinions of oh, it’s impossible to buy a house. No no it’s not people do it every day. But then you know that just don’t let her affect you she’s young and she’s basing it also on her own stuff like my stuff is great we’re building a camper so we can travel. It’s just immaturity and maybe competitiveness. It would be like you saying well you’re just young right now when you get older, you’ll understand the value of the house. She’s talking to you like that but from her perspective.

Hm. That is bit of a cop out. It may be your personality. But you can do things to compensate for it. It just requires hard work. CBT. Otherwise, you will find yourself far more alone than you wish to be as people grow tired and burnt out from dealing with the personality.

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Let it go, you've seen no evidence she's changed- but you did. You evolved your mindset on abuse from your own circumstances because you exited a thing that wasn't working for you, she has not.

You can be kind to her- she reached out so maybe you can chat a bit, but I would say if their relationship made you uncomfortable 7 years ago I doubt much has changed. People generally don't change unless their circumstances force them to change or through a concerted effort.

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she literally wrote to her friend "I kissed a guy". Thats the truth right there. If you cant get past this, plus the other things shes done to you, then end it. Dont waste time.

She has every right to end her friendship with you, for any reason at all. You are not entitled to even more of her time. Leave her alone.

I appreciate your culture and your references to let us know where you were. However, you did break her heart, and in the United States most people do not see Black people marrying white people as colonization. It’s a very old and provincial ideal. But understandable because you’re African. So at this point, there’s really nothing that you can do your a married man now, so leave her alone do not be friends with her and just be polite colleagues within your friend group.

I think you are giving a lot of people credit for thinking about this a lot more than they really are going to. That may be the narcissism in you eeking out- where you think everyone is in tune with (or you wish they were in tune with) your line of thinking when they really have no fucking clue what a wolf means.

I mean, I was with you all the way until the end. I'm sure there are a lot of cultural differences here going on but you are seriously flawed as a person. You are incredibly selfish to think the world revolves around you. You had feelings for her and had a connection yet you never think about her or her feeling? You cannot be that obtuse to know she wasn't into you.

On top of that you say she has no right to be upset at you. She can be upset at you for any reason she chooses. If she cuts you off, that's her choice. You don't get a say. And then you go on some narcissistic rant about you wanting someone as good looking as yourself all while insulting her for no reason.

She dodged a major bullet and she doesn't even know it. You sound like an awful person.

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No. I am 53. People are in the 100s by the point they die. It is all relative. I had a bunch of dudes when I was younger, but settled into a very long, monogamous marriage.

And people do take care of their bits with testing.

It’s best to not increase more is what I’m saying. Have respect for your body don’t sleep around with many men if you like sex a lot have a fwb. The reason I’m saying not to sleep around is bc if you sleep around too many you can get an std not many people want to date someone with stds

Then, what's the problem?

You either move or don't, you can't win anything without doing anything.

It's not like you are bound to one place with some unbreakable bonds.

Why resentment when the agreement has always been there?

If it won't work out, it won't. You'll just have more experience and will be able to move back since you, admittedly, have immediate family here.

If your immediate family will be sad, well, tough luck, people are not born to entertain other people - you'll be one plane and a couple of hours by car away from them, if anything. Internet also exists.

In regards to your kid. It's not like you are a military pair who moves every now and then, at this point a child will have almost the same amount of stress moving to a different city. For better or worse.

Sometimes you gotta rip it off like a bandaid and just do it. Won't be the last time in your life you have to go about something this way. Otherwise you're just wasting yours and his time.