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Nothing is wrong with you. You might have habits or behaviors that are counterproductive. You might have life experience that trained you to react in ways that are suboptimal.

We’re all like that. If you go around thinking you are broken, then improving is impossible because broken things are just trash, right?

But yeah, the things you describe suggest some unhealthy behaviors.

I've done the things you listed and still have insomnia. The only thing that helps me is over the counter sleep pills. You can't help someone who doesn't help themselves. It is 100% my responsibility to handle my anxiety and depression. I have to make the effort to do the things that keep me from falling in to the pit of darkness. It is not my husband's responsibility to constantly pull me out of it deadweight and all.

Just to be clear I have 0 intention of "trying" anything or even asking her about it, I know she won't be open to it, I'm just trying to sort out my own feelings.

I have no intention of straying

Sadly I’ve wondered the same but he’s generally very caring, kind and considerate. This literally came out of nowhere because we joke with each other all the time. I was completely caught off guard y his response.

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I'm not sure. I love him deeply and I feel safe and cared for with him. He makes me very happy. It's only been relatively recently that this has really started to bother me and I think it's because of some life changes that have recently occurred.

I know he has the propensity to change (given other things he has told me about and that I've seen), it's just hard, especially given his depression.

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Why do you think it’s wrong to think that?

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I want to be clear that I'm not intending to

A: ask my wife to change anything about our relationship or "let me" try anything new

B: sleep with any "random crushes"

It's not even about just sleeping with others or sex in general, and the examples I gave are maybe not the best, there are others whom I know on a much more personal level that I also have deep feelings for. It's not purely lust, I know the difference.

That being said.. maybe you're right about the mid-life crisis part, that kind of touched a nerve, and I should examine that.

Maybe I'm just feeling stuck in my marriage and this is causing me to romanticize things more than the reality would be.

If you convince Liz she is being ridiculous, you are insulting her. Calling anyone ridiculous is an insult.

You should apologize to her directly for not telling her of your plans, but tell her you did not know she had feelings for you. What you don't need to add are these things: 1. She is fat and her health makes you think she would not be a good mate. 2. You're afraid she would colonize you. 3. You deserve to have a wife as good-looking as you.

Something about his response doesn’t sit right with me. I don’t mind him watching it but it made me feel super insecure knowing there’s pictures of prettier or sexier girls on his phone. I’m not so sure if I should bring it up again or just keep quiet..

Alright man I do really appreciate your advice

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man, the "what would other men think when they see us together" part is really gross, to be honest. do a favor for her and break up.

It is never your fault when you communicate what you are lacking in your marriage. My partner is a gamer and loves it. Has taken days off for WOW tournaments and releases. He always asks if im okay with that and makes himself available and best of all whenever we watch something he is never on his phone. Its a boundary I made to him. A relationship needs to 2 people give it their all.

I personally recommend to have one last sit down with your partner. Turn off wifi and leave phones whatever other devices in a different room if thats what it takes.

You need your husband to be present in this marriage and if they are not willing to give that then they need let you know so you can find someone who is actually willing to pay attention to you.

What they is a addiction and if they want actual make this marriage work. They need therapy and heavily dial down the gaming.

I think it would be "he or I".

I doubt my opinion on this will be popular but I am going to offer it anyway.

I think you are being too sensitive. If he doesn't treat/talk to you that way under any other circumstances, then I don't see the instances as an over-all issue. Sounds like he might be taking gaming a bit too serious (I'm not a gamer so of course I feel this way) but I don't think this is indicative of someone who is otherwise predisposed to being abusive/violent.

My analogy may be totally off, but it's like saying someone is likely to physically abuse you because they pushed you out of the way of an object falling on you that would only cause you minimal harm if it hit you. I'm sure everyone is going to shoot all kinds of holes in my analogy and that's ok. It's all subjective anyway.

You are wasting your life on a girl who has already checked out of the relationship. Time to move on.

At that age she wants to experience life and not miss out on her 20s. At your 20s you’re more free bc when you get older you have bigger responsibilities eventually a family and don’t have that free time you’ll have in your 20s. When in a relationship there’s restrictions on what you can and can not do. My advice is move on don’t play the waiting game bc that will take forever

You're right, he's not a project car. But he is a human being who deserves support and someone who will help him learn the hard things. He doesn't really get that anywhere else right now.

Sleep hygiene is how you handle your sleep. It can be really important when you have insomnia. It's things like having a set sleep schedule, staying off of electronics right before bed, and having a wind down routine. If you have good sleep hygiene, then you tend to have better sleep. If you're still suffering from insomnia, then you can go to your doc about it and it helps because you've already done most of the things they're going to suggest you try first.

He doesn’t have a therapist, he’s doing nothing to help himself, and you want to take it upon yourself to “help” him. That’s a project. And as you’re not a medical professional nor a therapist, I think it’s kind of an inflated sense of self to think you can fix this.

He’s an adult. I really don’t understand why you’d stick around for this.

If this is how he acts now it will most likely get much worse once you are locked down together by a lease, and one of you has nowhere to go. You are correct in assuming this will escalate.

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