You bring up a good point. I should probably bring it up to her before the trip and see what she wants me to do. I still love her and definitely don’t want to screw her over. Just realized she’s not who I see myself with for life and it would be better to end it sooner rather than later.

You could just ask him straight up why he feels the need to do that.

Then you could kindly express to him that he doesn’t need to do that.

He does just sound insecure.

I really want to put my petty response, but I won’t because I’m trying to grow as a person hahaha.

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Def not his child. The baby was 3 months old before they met.

Time to move on, she already has begun the process.

Oh honey you have not played cod, apex, other games that make you so mad. Sometimes you just want to say shut the fuck up. Personally for my bf to spectate me when playing video games like a ranked game and talks non stop telling me there’s someone there when an intense play happens I say shut up bc you’re trying to focus kinda like studying for an exam you need quietness. I don’t say stfu tho I find it rude. Advice: leave him bc you want a nice caring bf and he hurt your feelings I’m sure he will keep repeating that behavior

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If you were to express to him that you are not ready and want to wait a few years, how would he react?

If it is badly, then it seems he might be trying to marry you to make it harder for you to leave once you find out how controlling/abusive he is. Really no one should be getting married after knowing someone for 3 months.

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That’s really not your problem. She can sort it out. You can pay her back later if you want to. But going on the trip would be wrong unless she wants to have you there as friends.

He's not being a good friend to you, and you don't need to feel guilty. If he's consistently asking you and pushing for it after you've repeatedly said no, he's outright ignoring boundaries you're setting. If you want to try to maintain any sort of friendship you need to let him know you're uncomfortable and that this behavior isn't appropriate, but if he doesn't stop you may want to put some distance between the two of you.

Thank you so much for your wonderful response!

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Yup, you are totally plan b.

Why did you not follow up on it?

That's totally fair! I hadn't thought of that.

Maybe a better example then would be a couple of close friends that my wife and I have, both of whom I know personally on a much deeper level than the examples I gave, and both of whom I've known for years.

I have strong romantic feelings for both of them, one of them enough that my wife actually picked up on it a couple years ago and we had that talk, I assured her I had no intention of straying and it was just an attraction and it didn't cause any further insecurities or troubles in our marriage beyond that.

I have never been inappropriate with either of these women beyond normal things friends do, such as the occasional dirty joke or "that's what she said" nonsense.

You can lay things out as you have here. But prepare yourself for the possibility that he's not willing to make any of these changes.

That is a good idea I will try this. Thank you

That isn't planning something, that is asking to be included.

Well you're a better friend then he is.

His situation is horrible but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass to sexually harass you.

Don't offer to join him. Say, I have a table booked on Thursday, see you there. I have tickets for a movie at 8. I booked us seats at the outdoor theatre. Etc.

But yes, he is comfortable and doesn't feel the need to try.

Just be upfront with him. Tell him you are bored of the routine and don't want to continue like this.

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The problem is the ski pass among other things is non refundable and I’m pretty sure you can’t transfer the pass to someone else. Might be the same case with the flight.