He told you he's going and if that's a deal breaker for you he doesn't care. So now you have to decide if this is divorce material because he seems ready to divorce over it.

So your focus is on the now and getting to know her… not asking about past hook ups- which focus on the wrong person.

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Walk away.

>He brought it up now though, saying that “If we are going to continue dating it’s something I have to get used to.”

Not sure how much more clear he can be.

If you're going to be with him, you'll have to deal with visiting his hoarder mommy.

And that this issue is enough to bring you to "not talking" ... why are you bothering trying to continue the relationship? If it were a great partnership, you'd be talking through compromise or how to work with Mom to straighten out her life, but instead, he's hunkering down and you're just not talking to him.

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It is also possible that he has serious self confidence issues he is hiding. Sometimes people try to tear down others because they feel inferior. Either way, I think he at least partially means the jokes.

Does he shows signs of serious self confidence issues in any other way? Has he had a traumatic past? Have you expanded on his claims that you are being combative/tit-for-tat at all? Meaning: have he given you any kind of reasonable explanation as to why he thinks you doing the same thing he is doing is combative/tit-for-tat or do you typically just say you aren't being that way and it gets dropped?

You are 26. Best to learn this lesson now so you are trying this nonsense in your 40s. The person you are with is exactly who they are. That is the person you choose love or leave. You can't make someone behave a certain way. You can't change a person.

You have to be vigilant in your relationship to see the person you are with and ignore who you want them to be. One is reality and the other fantasy.

Your gf sounds like a liar, moocher, and layabout. You aren't going to change that. You can't change that. She is the woman that she is. The only question you can legit ask, is... Is the woman you want?

Edit: my dumb assuming ass wrote as if the other person is a man. Changed pronouns. So sorry. :(

I’m sorry, I may be showing my age here, but isn’t an “exclusive FWB” simply a wimpier half-measured way of saying partner/girlfriend?

If you’re not happy anymore, and you can’t trust that she’s in the same emotional place as you, move on! It’s not like you guys were committed anyway.

Thank you so much for taking the time out to write this. But you're right, love isn't enough which I am very sadly realising. I don't know if it's fresh breakup brain but I of course would hope to some day work things out at this stage - whether that's realistic is a different story.

Also thank you for saying you wish me peace, it felt like a hug when I needed it most haha.

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You can tell your friend to fuck off

Cuz if he is insisting to make out with you (even tho u are straight) there is a serious problem here.

I’m not perfect. I’m autistic and have listening issues and emotional intelligence issues so half the time I just don’t get it and she gets so mad she screams at me and I swear I’ve never yelled half the horrendous stuff she does and that’s why I know it’s abusive. I’ve never wanted a single hair on her head harmed let alone tried to coerce or manipulate her like she does. I’m just sad for my kids. It sucks when kids are involved.

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Yeah that didn’t make any sense to me lol. Why would he have it when he can just watch it? I’ll probably talk to him about it again tonight

I read your post. Things were not good even when you had time together. This one has run its course.

...but you can also propose to him. If he says no then there's your answer.

End it! She needs to be over her ex before moving forward with you

Why t f do ppl still ask and discus past hookups?

The now is what matters. Are you and are they healthy, are you being safe, is there consent and what are your kinks?? All that past relationships dwelling is LITERALLY CHASING HURT. Why chase down answers to questions that are not your business and shouldn’t even be a concern…

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Tell him it’s a hotel or air bnb or…you’ll just stay home.

You don’t owe him to stay in a gross house.

No not all guys do this lol. Don’t let him gaslight you. It’s one thing to watch porn, it’s another to have an openly visible spank bank. Even for a 19 year old, that’s immature af. Boy bye!

Thank you. I feel crazy but the more I journal and talk to my therapist about it, the more I feel like I have a right to feel the way I do. And that there has to be a balance somewhere. The first time it ever got really bad was because of WOW. It was 24/7 to not lose game progress. They knew more about people’s kids schedules than our own.

I feel like I would be 100% ok with it if all responsibilities are done (they often slack on their responsibilities to game- dishwasher, pets)

I really like the boundaries you have set and am so glad they work for you! I get that they love gaming and I don’t want to take that away. I have tried similar and it’s just the “you’ll never be happy unless I’m not gaming” or a huff about how I’m harassing them. I feel like a mom.

It seems like their therapist supports their gaming as an outlet. They didn’t play for a week after our conversation and they said their therapist “was worried”. And it just makes me feel like they’re getting an echo chamber but I don’t know.

Thank you so much for your advice and support ❤️

Thank you for that, you may be right. I was just wondering what made you think that? Again, thanks for your response I really appreciate it