Who said constant contact? I said I would like him to call me sometime during the day to check in for 5-10 min other than at night right before bed twice a week

She sees her friends a lot actually, especially recently as almost all of them are new mothers as well. I will say that so much of her previous "self" was tied up with her work and career. So when she sees friends now its usually with their kids, and when she comes home its with her kids. So I think as I reflect that some of her frustration around division of responsibilities is less about how hard we work but more that she is kids 24/7 and I am not and I get that mental break every day from kids...and meanwhile I am frustrated because I feel like I am working harder and doing more stuff. Clearly we need a better way to have these discussions directly with each other.

I appreciate this - makes me feel like there's a light at the end of the tunnel at some point! I'm glad you're getting what you want in life now!

Y do u need to be constant contact with him!? 8 hours a day, more of less, depending on your work schedule…should be a non-contact time. On my lunch break I want to enjoy my break and not feel obligated to have to call my gf. And she understands this, when I get off, if she asks I tell her about day and she does as well. Am I missing something!?

maybe they have a low threshold for pain or are dramatic how are we to know

You're sitting on the fence avoiding commitment and wondering why she's exploring her options.

If you want to be exclusive then you need to give it the correct title and stop with the half assed relationship.

>I feel like I’m on a ship heading straight for a rogue wave because my partner never takes accountability

Let's add to that that you aren't taking accountability either.

You've been watching your partner be a trainwreck for years. This isn't a recent change. She showed up on your doorstep claiming one thing and then proved to be soemthing, and then you brushed that off for five years.

Gosh, good luck getting out of this mess. Find some help and dig yourself out.

I don’t understand. If he’s at work and you’re at work, it’s really not an appropriate time for a chat.

I don’t text or call my partner during the day unless it’s an emergency. I don’t even check texts during my work day. It’s distracting.

If that’s something you need, maybe date someone who doesn’t have a job and can be at your beck and call.

You only have two options man, you either get over it or you break up. It sucks that she told you all of this, but you asked, so you’re both in the wrong here. Having said that, she can’t change the past.

But I’ll tell you, at your age, I wouldn’t have gotten over it either. It just is what it is. Social stigma is pretty powerful at your age and it’s tough to be the bigger guy and act like it doesn’t bother you.

If you do break up with her, don’t shame her for her actions. Just say it’s all on you and you can’t get over it. You need more experience and to work on yourself. It is what it is, and this relationship isn’t worth living with the stress and anxiety that comes with it.

Good luck man

> But that seems like “playing games”

It is.

Are you expecting him to call you every day, or just once or twice a week during the day? Because I could see every day being a bit much for him.

If you're not in a relationship with her, you shouldn't really expect relationship style behaviours.

Thank you again for your kindness, and I hope you have the best evening <3

You mean your ex bf right?? You're staying with a guy that talks shit about you to people and compares you to ther girls?? What the hell, girl.

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Yw. I'm not trying to diminish either role, but sometimes you need to recharge the love meter, and remind yourself why you're together.

Thank you for saying this, I feel like I've felt like I've been going crazy. There's just always been some barrier to it. And I've lived in the same city in the past by moving out on my own and he would spend time with me there, but this wasn't permanent and I would move back home and we would be in separate cities again (so except for our 1 year in uni, we have lived in the same city for a total of about 7 months in the last over 3 years). I could in theory move back to the same city by myself and he could come by and stay with me, but I fear that's not the same level of commitment I am searching for.

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Yes, yes you will be freaking happy when you can spend time with your husband without them staring at a screen. What you are asking for is in my eyes an easy and valid request.

Might I suggest marriage counseling? You and your husband seems to need that. At the end you need decide if things aren’t changing. Is this how you picture marriage to be like? Can you see yourself living like this for years and years to come?

I wish you all the best and I hope you will end up with the life you need and deserve! You got my support!

The woman she sold the idea of was the woman I wanted to but the woman she is in real life is far from that vision . I had to ask myself if I should stick around “help them grow “ but after all this time I see that’s not going to happen and in the process of me trying I’m getting my life ruined from the inside out .

I needed validation that I wasn’t being unfair with how I feel because in prior convos with her I get gaslit so much I mentally just leave the conversation as a whole but I’m awake now , thank you for being straight forward . I’ll be moving along without her very soon and focusing on rebuilding what I’ve lost in the process of this situationship

Your relationship ended. Stop treating her like you're in a relationship still.

You cannot wait for someone to come back, you will never know if that is true or not.

Its time to thrown in the towel and start moving on yourself. Stop paying attention to her. Stop waiting around for her.

Go about your business so you can finally move on from her because she moved on from you.

He sabotages any chance he can for you to have a personal relationship with anyone on his side. He is building a wall between you and his people. This is a surefire way to lose a girlfriend IMO.

A partner is someone who at a minimum has your back. Your boyfriend is not meeting the bare minimum requirements of even a basic friend.

A life of your (future) husband shit talking literally you to everyone who will listen does not sound like a future. It sounds honestly really lonely.

This is amazing perspective, thank you.

So he wants to get sexual with you and gets angry and manipulative when you don't consent? That's just shitty and a little rapey.

I didn't meet a girl and have sex until I was 22. I didn't go around to my female friends and concoct some sob story to get them to give me a handy.

We all get attracted to people that are not into us or are unavailable. Those of us that aren't assholes let it go and move on. Your friend is not acting like a good person.

This is one of those opportunities to set a boundary like "don't ask again or I'll stop hanging out". And then stick with it.

There is no such thing as an exclusive FWB… that’s a relationship- a messed up one but that’s what that is. Or she’s just a FWB.

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