Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

houndsofluv t1_jaefx3v wrote

I sympathize with you, I honestly do-- it sucks to have a big responsibility unexpectedly dropped on your lap for an indeterminate amount of time.

But in this case, yes, I think it would be unkind to ask her to find someone else. Your friend is in a scary and stressful situation. Don't give her one additional thing to stress about. You are doing something really helpful for her and I am sure she appreciates it. Suffer through the next few days-- they will be over soon-- give the dog back, and then celebrate.

All this being said, can you hire someone to take the dog on some long, LONG walks for the next few days? Lol.

3

Witch_on_a_moped t1_jaefwc3 wrote

I would say yes this is a red flag...on You. Not him. People are busy with work, and he probably wants to sit in silence while eating his lunch. He face times you at night. I don't have time to have a 15 minute phone call everyday while at work. I'll talk to you when I get off.

21

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1

peaches1076 t1_jaefm9b wrote

I know that pretending to be happy when i’m not is not the best. I just am worried that if i don’t portray “happy” it might it seem like i’m always a downer and he wouldn’t want to be with me. But i also understand he would just get frustrated later on if he found out that i wasn’t actually happy.

But thank you for your supportive words. I’ll do my best..

1

SalamanderPop t1_jaefm2w wrote

I'm so sorry. I think it's important in relationships to put your own emotional well-being and emotional needs first. It's important to listen to your emotions, especially if you are a trusting person that is susceptible to gaslighting and other manipulative traits that narcissists use. Your emotions are your North Star. If you are feeling crummy, recognize it, pull back, and know that you need to deal with that first. If you are feeling happy and nurtured, run to it.

Also note that your susceptibility to these manipulative tactics makes you a really good person. It's folks that are caring and trusting and vulnerable with their partner that can be more easily manipulated by a rotten egg. Follow your feelings as they will act like an internal eggdicator (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference).

2

dollywooddude t1_jaefdvv wrote

If you don’t have trust you have nothing. Why are you so jealous and insecure? Men and women can just be friends. I’m sure you find people attractive too, a wedding rings don’t make people blind. Has your husband given you reasons to doubt his fidelity? Your husband seems determined to go. I guess the balls on your court if you want to make this a deal breaker or wait and see until he returns.

2

Crafty_Train1497 OP t1_jaefb7f wrote

Yea I agree I beat myself up for that once I realized it too ! I’ve recently started taking accountability for my part which is why I’m determined to make a change and not play the fool anymore

It’s a little easier since I’ve healed to start planning action and executing but the down time gave me plenty of time to think and realize a lot I wasn’t noticing before .

1

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1

UsuallyWrite2 t1_jaefalr wrote

I mean….sure you can call your hospitalized friend and tell her that she needs to find someone else to keep the dog. But honestly, if she had someone else, she probably would’ve asked them.

What is the dog doing that is so annoying? If she’s distracting you from work, put her in another room like the bathroom and put on some music or a fan and let her settle. Or go give her a proper walk so she’s tired enough to nap. I dunno.

I think it would be pretty shit to make more trouble for her when she’s down and out already but if you can’t manage the dog then I suppose you need to.

3