That’s the biggest thing I circle on is that “I can’t spend the rest of my life like this” and getting married kind of made that turn from a thing in the back of my head to a blaring red sign.

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

Her cousin did OP a favor. What do you mean? He's just looking out for her. If all my cousin's bf did was talk shit about her to me when we hung out, it'd make me incredibly uncomfortable and I'd report him to her too.

I am so sorry you’ve gone through all of this. So many people can’t or won’t believe men can be abused, and they absolutely can be and are abused.

If I may offer up some advice? Please try to only communicate through writing with her; written words can’t be as easily twisted as spoken words. If you must interact with her in person, make sure you’re recording the interaction, even if you’re not in a single party consent state. Try to get custody of your children. Your ex doesn’t sound very healthy, especially if she’s yelling about your genitalia to them.

I find reasons why we wouldn’t work out

I didn't miss the point at all. You asked if this is a red flag. I said yes. You.

So my husband and I are both avid gamers, as are all three of our sons and let me tell you: few things are as irritating as backseat gamers. I'm sure you were trying to help and yes, it was rude of him to speak to you like that. But sometimes you're just really in the zone during a game and other people pointing things out can be a distraction.

Again, not saying he's right but I am saying that it's an understandable reaction on some level. Especially if it's a single-player game. Multiplayers tend to have comms so you get used to chatter but for something like The Last of Us? Yeah, let's just say it can get annoying when you keep dying to the same bloater and you hear, "have you tried blah blah blah," or "watch out for yadda yadda yadda," while you're sitting there going, "I know!" In our household we say "I love you but shush" a lot, ha ha.

Bottom line is that no, he shouldn't be using language like that with you in that kind of tone over a video game. But, at least in my opinion, you were also being overly sensitive because some games do get pretty intense and when you're in that zone, well, tunnel vision can happen. It doesn't excuse anything but it is a thing. My husband and I taught our kids that at the end of the day, it's just a game and it's not worth hurting someone's feelings over. If your boyfriend doesn't have any anger issues outside of gaming, I'd say you shouldn't worry too much. The amount of obscenities I've hurled at random characters in games would make my Army vet father blush. But if your boyfriend has issues with anger in other areas or is dismissive of you in other ways then yeah, I would say you have a right to be concerned then.

THREE MONTHS??? Lol why

agreed, thank you.

Thank you. I needed this. And I do blame myself for pacifying it for so long. I told them that I am out of back and forth and today they just said “I am not fighting about video games again” so I very really have to accept that I am at my breaking point. I feel like I just have to “play the part” that all is good for the next few weeks for them to either step up and have this be worked on or to be disappointed again and be done.

I struggle with divorce because if I am saying it, it’s not a threat and there will be no going back. My husband will not be able to save the marriage if I go there and while I am glad it worked for you, I can’t see myself threatening divorce. Either this gets fixed with a mutual commitment or they will be served papers.

We are both in individual therapy and tried premarital counseling. We both have agreed to going back to counseling as marriage counseling but I have not seen any effort and struggle to find my own effort in finding one. Maybe that can be my effort in trying is finding a few couples therapists. Thank you

When he's in a relatively better mood, suggest doing meditation together. If done consistently, it will improve his mood and help him be more deliberate about what he focuses on. This will allow him to choose to focus on more positive things.

Find a regular time you can both do it every day even if it's only 5 minutes at first. You don't need to be good at totally blanking out your mind, just constantly bringing the focus back to your breath is enough to get the benefits.

you are sabotaging any potential relationship with this man. Labels exist for a reason.

he stated that he wants to be married with kids in two years. If you’re not going to show commitment, he’s probably going to find a partner who will.

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Yeah I mean I guess you nailed my frustration. Not to inventory everything, but she watches our youngest all day and is very attentive with him doing activities, taking him for walks, to the park, his meals during the day, she does most of the kids laundry, manage doctors appointments, and she takes the kids to music class and on play dates with her friends and their kids. So basically between her and the nanny she has created a really amazing developmental environmental for our kids. Where I get frustrated is that I just feel so burnt out between work and helping at home, yet she is constantly complaining about being exhausted which is what really needles me.

> I have pushed him away a bunch due to childhood trauma creating it difficult for me to feel safe with trust in relationships.

What exactly happens though when you push him away?

Just watched that last night so your timing is perfect for that reference lol thank you for being understanding . You’ve helped me look at this in a different perspective so that I can do better in the future . I plan on being in a relationship with myself for a while so I can better understand “ME” before I go looking for a “WE”

If you are already texting each other every day throughout the day, plus calling every night, it might be a bit much, so you two may need to compromise. His communications preferences should matter as much as yours. So discuss this one more time and see where both of your preferences are and what you can settle on from there.

He's not happy with his life or his situation.

He either needs a full change (job) or needs therapy and I say that as someone who thinks therapy is a crapshoot.

That said, you pulled up an incident from a few years ago. That seems ... odd. A one off isn't an indicated of a black hole. His coworkers could suck. They could be making him miserable.

Again, missing the point but ok ma’am🤗

Happened while we were together.

Thank you for your thoughts. I definitely don’t want to be in something like a poly relationship, but am open to exploring on an occasional basis but i did not see it as becoming a regular “friday night event” kind of thing. I do agree, the suicidal thoughts probably came from a culmination of a lot of pressure of different things (possibly a lifestyle i do not want).

Thank you for insight. Me and my bf are going for couple’s therapy and we’ll see how it goes from there. I personally do not think it was so that he could cheat. I trust him when he said it was not his intent. And if he wanted an open lifestyle, he could well able to break up with me and live a more open lifestyle as a single guy.

Opening the dating app is an intention to cheat. Trying to match with someone is an intention to cheat. Chatting with someone on a dating app is an emotional affair. Meeting them and giving them a hug or a kiss is a physical affair.

Unless she dumped you first... you mentioned she dumped you in the title... and you were only bf/gf, so what does it matter now? She failed the gf test. Find a better person.

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Your mom might be financially dependent on your Dad but divorce courts and lawyers can fix that.

Tell her

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

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• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

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