If it is you that wants the relationship and she doesn’t (right) now, run. She has no intention of committing ever. She’s just keeping you around for good fun, until someone better/prettier/funnier, whatever her standards are, comes along. I’m so sorry, OP.

She’s keeping the door ajar and possibly has one foot out of it already :(

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Honestly that is a pretty normal response to lack of commitment. He sounds like he’s playing games and leading you on tbh.

Absolutely. I get embarrassed that I allowed it for so long and all the time that was wasted. But nothings going to get better if I keep reflecting on it.

I try to establish boundaries but it has proven to be hard because they just think I’m out to get video games. They feel like the “other woman” lol

I totally understand that! I have made it very clear that this is it and things need to change. I just hope it’s enough but it’s hard to even hope based on how much they have let me down in the past. I really don’t trust them at all regarding it because it’s either video games or DND it feels like.

I am so glad you have found a healthy balance and a healed relationship with your wife! I struggle to even think about kids right now even though I want them because I don’t feel like I can trust them. I am going to find a few therapists and if anything else arises as far as questions on my end I will absolutely reach out. Thank you for offering. I appreciate it so much, this shit feels so lonely

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>We're together 5 years, married 1 year. I know I married a massive grump but with a kid on the way, I'm afraid he can't pull himself out of it on his own.

What you describe is way beyond someone being grumpy. And it isn't something you can fix.

He "felt slighted" waiting in line at a bar and "threw nasty slurs" under his breath, which they heard??

And "Everyone's an idiot out to get him"?????

I do not think books on stoicism are the answer.

>There are no therapy spots where we live and no online counseling.

Why is online counselling not an option?

ETA: In a comment you say you live in a "huge city" - there are no therapists there? (Or do you live in a place where therapy is not common?) In any case, online therapy is available from all over the world.

My first time didn’t hurt at all. It’s not SUPPOSED to hurt. Be a little uncomfortable, perhaps, but not cause agonizing pain. Please stop spreading misinformation.

Short answer? You're not together, so tbh even if you have an exclusivity agreement, she has no obligation to follow it and neither do you, all you can offer each other is a quick fk and maybe some attention so you can't be mad if they see something in someone else 🤷

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You've surely both changed a lot since you were 13 and you've just possibly grown into people who are no longer compatible. You might try to couples counseling. But very few childhood romances go the distance and this is why.

This guy sounds like me in my 30s. I was awful and I hurt my wife and children with my anxiety and the hair trigger that came along with it. I can't put into words the amount of regret I carry with me and, with that, this incredible sense of loss because I wasnt the person my family needed and deserved.

Your man needs therapy from a licensed therapist. The best YOU can do is stop caretaking him, if you are doing it, and end any other behavior that enables him to not experience the consequences of his shitty behavior including the consequence of you not wanting to be around him.

One tactic here is to find a couples therapist and book an appointment, since telling him "you need therapy" likely isn't going to go over well. Ultimately start with couples counseling and the therapist will hone in on all the ugly bits in your relationship all on their own and help guide. If you book it and tell him lovingly and out of worry about your relationship and all that, and he doesn't attend, go by yourself anyway. They will be able to help you navigate this one better than us strangers on reddit.

On behalf of a former anxiety filled, hair triggered, inexcusable and irredeemable asshole, I'm so very sorry. I hope for the both of you that y'all find your way. Together or, if necessary, apart. As long as happiness is at the end of it.

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If she's looking for other people,she's on different page bud

move out! Thats your next option.

Jesus Christ. I drove her to the hospital, brought her everything she needed, and drove her kid to another town to stay with family. You are acting like I hate my friend. I was not prepared to watch a puppy on top of working a full-time job and I am overwhelmed and exhausted.

If you don't like the relationship now. Leave

Either way he should end it if he doesn’t like she what she’s doing.

Exactly. The biggest thing that sticks out for me is that I'm telling him that I don't want to do this and that I just want to go home and he's not listening to me. I forgot to mention that he expects me to stay there and help her clean and take care of her kids while he's at work. I didn't ask for this and it was never discussed with me. I honestly think that he either needs to be with her or needs to be single.

If he's so happy to help her out then he needs to be with her. This is not how the situation was discussed with me. I honestly think he just brought me here because he wants to have somebody to help his friend when he's not available to do it. I'm fed up.

Maybe I'm overreacting but I just think it's inappropriate to expect me to live with someone that I hardly know and someone that he considered as an option before he met me. Now he's expecting me to do all this for her and I'm not having it.

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From my understanding, it's more the fact he doesn't want to leave home. Also my work is in his city too, so it wouldn't make sense for him to move in my direction unfortunately. So in this case there seems to be no resolve :(

Thats exactly what hes doing. He clearly cares more about having fun with people than respecting your boundaries. Your move now. Stay or go? You clearly dont trust him or this wouldnt even be an issue. So why are you with someone who you think is shady and cant trust?