I don’t think you’re willing to admit that your trauma and mental instabilities are ruling your life, and because it is ruling your life you do not see that your bf is forced to tolerate it and be an emotional support. It’s a toxic way of living in a relationship, and you not willing to admit that it’s controlling your life and automatically putting unfair expectations and demands on him is pretty much the entire problem. Eventually you will lose him because if it if you do not learn from your mistakes and show progress in getting yourself help from a mental specialist, but until you do he’s always going to be guarded and dismissive because he does not want to invest further into something that’s not showing any growth.

The part that bothers me the most is the fact that it isn't even her own will.. she just doesn't want to get cut off from her family for not following their "rules".

They won't allow us to live together till we are officially married.. even proposing won't "solve" this issue..

Does she know this isn’t like borrowing a sweater? You would have to undergo a lot of medical tests and procedures that cost money. Does your mom have the funds to finance this?

And not to be awful but she doesn’t need another baby at 50. 🤷‍♀️

You can’t stop her from asking repeatedly but you can tell her “If you continue to ask, I will block you/leave/hang up/not respond. You asked, and I answered. It’s no.” Then stick to your guns. She will either learn or lose what relationship she has with you. Her choice.

Also the idea that this baby is genetically yours and your STEPDAD’s is 😳🤢 She is out of her mind.

You need a plan. The thing that will make you feel better is having a plan to act on. To do that you need to find a lawyer or counselor.

You said you liked photography? Offer to do headshots for people for a couple of hundred bucks. I know someone who does this for LinkedIn profiles and makes a killing. She is in NY and now has a booming business. Or photograph something else. You can find dozens of online communities on how to get started and free classes on photo editing.

Once you start taking some kind of action you will feel less lost. Make yourself do something for 30 minutes each day. No excuses.

I didn’t say you needed “fixing”. I just know from experience that you can’t move backward in time and the answers to happiness lie in the present (and sometimes the future) but not the past. You’re not the same person you were 10 years ago and neither is he. But if your curious and need to “scratch that itch” then write to him on FB. Or find him on Instagram and write to him. Ask him what’s new in his life and take it from there. If it turns out to be more than just a diversion from the present, let us know. Do what you have to do. I wish you luck.

Maybe she’s just more comfortable speaking Spanish as it’s her language in her home? Does she make you feel excluded besides her speaking her language if you’re not included in the conversation ? Like if you’re a part of the convo will she speak English to exclude you?

Both routes lead to move on

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What if she burns the bridge with her parents and loses their support and you don’t end up proposing? If you plan on doing it in a few months what is the difference if marriage is something you both want?

Unless it is for tax reasons or debt I don’t understand people who want to live together and do wife/husband things like setting up a home without being married. I get that it works for a lot of people but you are asking her to burn an important bridge without the piece of paper that would protect her. I have seen these types of arrangements or uncommitted commitments turn messy(especially for 1 of the people) in the long term if they don’t work out.

If that is a deal breaker to you then let her go and go on your way.

You should block her everywhere and stop talking to her completely. She is having an affair, do you understand that? She is cheating on her boyfriend with you. It doesn't need to be physical for it to be cheating.

You should bringing your emotions down a few notches, you are overthinking this and want to react to severely. Have you thought that maybe you’re coming off too intense and it’s why she’s pushing you away? Or she’s just busy or wants some time alone, it’s fine to not text with your partner all the time. Going through her phone comes off really controlling, I kind of feel bad for her tbh.

When would the best years be then?

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I'd say the reason for going there would be 50/50 study and him. In there I would get other friends too of course but the problem with living on my own would be the living fees and all. I still wanna have freetime alongside studies and not spend it all on working. During university I have worked part-time alongside studying and it just is way too tireing.

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I appreciate this response. Thank you so much.

It doesn't make sense for you to turn down his offer to pay for you.

Nor should you try to keep up with anyone. You should live within your budget.

I don't understand your way of thinking at all.

Just be honest with your fiancé and remind him that you’re aware of your emotional situation and are working on it

It's been 2 days, and 36-year-old women do get busy with stuff.

Or something is really going on, but I imagine you'll find that out soon enough if it is.

Just send him a message, asking how he is and that you wanted to know if you could catch up with him? Go for it.

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He’s calling your bluff. Call it back. Get boxes and when he asks what they’re for tell him that the moment he leaves for that trip you’re boxing all his shit up and sending it back to his mother’s where he can go when he gets back.

Don’t be gentle. If he cares for his mom and is aware of what healthy accommodations look like then he needs to help her instead of trying to make you live in filth.

Getting on her phone? Just end it since you don’t trust her. Dating someone who is always looking for a problem and is insecure is exhausting.