Short answer: You can’t

And I think your frustration comes from knowing that. She’s unwilling to communicate and unwilling to work on your issues in couples therapy.

At what point will it become a dealbreaker for you?

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i agree. im excited and terrified at the same. the last time i tried to block all contact he created other phone numbers in order to call me. i dont think hell do anything violent but i feel as though he will see me moving out on our ring camera and come back from work in order to try and stop it

Alright, in that case.. if you're stuck there. You need to start saving up as much as possible.

That way, when the lease is up, there is nothing holding you back from moving. And if you're not where you want to be financially near that day, consider moving back home to get back on your feet.

Do not allow yourself to sign up for another lease because you're dependent on someone.

If it’s this bad after 2 months, imagine how bad it will get after 2 years. Your gf doesn’t sound capable of a balanced relationship. For your own sanity, move on.

Broke Things Off***

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Why do you wanna work it out with someone that is already being shady, not even just once but regularly…

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You are being groomed. He was 19 when you were born. And you are still younger than that. Please leave him and do not trap yourself into a relationship with him just because you want a kid young. You’ll only be hurting yourself and that kid.

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Thank you. I suppose I needed this reality check.

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I (44F) didn’t get diagnosed until I was 43 after my good friend took her daughter to be tested and we talked about it. Women are under diagnosed as we don’t tend to have the hyperactivity component.

I have struggled my entire life—always very successful but things just take so much effort. I didn’t realize until after I got meds that other people didn’t have to try so hard to do so little. I thought everyone struggled and I was lazy or a procrastinator or dumb or something.

Kicker? I’m a project manager. I’m very organized with work and at home and require routine and structure else things feel really out of control.

It sounds like you’ve kind of gone the other way and just play everything by ear and casual and “it will work out.” Know why you can? Because you had a parent and now a GF picking up after you and organizing things. Most women don’t have that luxury.

I truly am not trying to kick you while you’re down or trying to be an asshole here….it’s just that your post is so…dismissive. Like she should just relax. But what you’re asking is for her to behave like a feral little kid with no rules just like you do. That’s simply not going to work for most people.

If you don’t want to be on a stimulant like aderall, there are other meds like strattera. I’d strongly recommend that you speak to your doctor. And also with your therapist, about some CBT specific to ADHD. There are some pretty basic things you can do like list making, prioritization, breaking things down into smaller tasks, setting timers or alarms, checklists, and so forth. Much of that you can also find online with a Google.

Good luck.

I'm emotionally exhausted just reading that!!

She has big issues that she needs to work on - BEFORE getting into a relationship.

End it.

Welcome.

As a 47 year old woman, I wish I could go back and tell my 19 year old self to not waste my breath or energy on any guy who does gross shit. So I am going to tell you, he has shown you who he is. Take it to heart and move on. You won't even remember who he is. I know he feels important, but he isn't. Get comfortable moving on from shitheads and you will get to the good guy much sooner.

Your proof would make you look worse, you realize that?

You are still in high school. What are you doing dating someone your parents’s age? There are plenty of women who can give him a child before 40. Stop this madness and use protection.

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Thank you for this, you are right. I have been doing therapy, and have stopped my meds lately.

I do fear about those things you wrote.

Thanks.

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, this is so so bad. I see you defending him in the comments, yet your own intuition is telling you something is wrong. If you don’t believe the commenters, why don’t you believe your own gut?

Please don’t have a baby with him. I promise you it’ll be the biggest regret of your life. If you have a baby, I promise you in 5 years you will think back to this exact comment and think fuck she was right

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