[removed]

I understand this as a concept but the issue is I can’t get over his dishonesty.

On top of this he recently moved out and we still haven’t shared stuff, made decisions about our cat etc. He wants to wait until June to do that and it is killing me.

He also finds weird reasons to come into the house and even took my luggage to take his stuff. He didn’t even ask if he can use it…

[removed]

[removed]

He's an ex. You don't handle this, you stop all contact with him, block him everywhere and stop caring what he does with himself now. You are no longer together and therefore, as sad as it is to say, he can do whatever he wants.

You need to get over this, cut him off and not allow his toxicity to impact your healing.

This whole post is weird af and reads like fiction. Who says someone showed up as “ravishing as ever” and what does

>she found a man who could cook incredibly sexy (I chose to take that as consent).

even mean? With the unnecessary inclusion that he’s a stockbroker, I’m calling rage bait on this one.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[removed]

[removed]

For starters, don't quit your job over a relatively new relationship. If you quit, do it because it's for you, and have something else lined up. In her head, she probably thought she was fine with it because she cares about your happiness, but realized she wasn't currently able to provide what you need.

Neither of you are in the wrong, you expressed a concern within the relationship, she offered you a compromise, and now she's feeling bad about and probably feels worse about the idea of bringing up how much she's disliking her own compromise. The frequency is likely also bothering her- she probably assumed you would do this once in a blue moon to blow off steam but now that it's happening, she's having regrets. She has feelings for this guy, she probably wants to open herself up in that way again, but she can't at this point in her life, and now she thinks she isn't providing him with "everything he needs and wants in a partner."

She needs therapy. If her first time was truly so awful it's left her unable and unwilling to have sex, she needs help. I don't want to make assumptions about what she's gone through, but I'm going to assume the worst because she sounds similar to me before I got therapy. All the love in the world won't change things for her.

If you want things to work out with her, which honestly I'm not sure if it will at this point, you guys have to find a different compromise. There should have been more communication between you two. I would have recommended doing other bobs and bits to warm her up over time to make her comfortable with being vulnerable about you before jumping into sleeping with someone else. Unless she's into her partner sleeping with other people (which based on her reaction, she isn't), no one is going to be okay hearing about their SO having sex with someone else. You can't ask for a timeline because she doesn't know if/when she will be ready and she cares enough about your happiness to let you have "casual sex", but she probably hoped deep down you would have been willing to wait for her. You guys need to sit down and talk, but honestly, I don't see things working out. Sexual incompatibility is okay to break up over, regardless of how much you two care about one another.

>My (24M) girlfriend (25F) of 6 months is having trouble accepting me having casual sex despite consent. What should I do? submitted by Snoo_88809

>I work as a stock broker, highly stressful job, and one of the ways I relieve my stress, that i feel works best for me, is casual sex. Especially since I try to avoid drinking alcohol as much as possible.

>Now, about 6 months back, I met this incredible woman at a party and as we got to talking we somehow clicked. Like telepathic communication clicked, if you know what I mean. Anyway we exchanged numbers, and after a couple weeks of texting back and forth, I think the attraction we both felt for each other increased even further as we got to know each other. I could talk to her about anything. We soon started dating.

>It was on the 5th or 6th date, I remember setting up a dinner date at my apartment, hoping one thing would lead to another. She arrived as ravishing as ever. I cooked. She watched me she found a man who could cook incredibly sexy (I chose to take that as consent). Anyway, we had an enjoyable dinner followed by a late night movie, we even made out a little. But as things started to heat up, she paused the movie, looked me seriously in the eye and said that she's not ready to take that last step yet. Now, remember I haven't had any sex since I met her. I was like fine, if you're not ready, you're not ready (gently ofc), and told her to take her time and there was no rush.

>Fast forward 5 months and she says she's still not ready. Now I have tried to be as patient as I can with her, but with my stress piling up, I was getting kind of irritable and it was affecting my job as well, so I decided to finally confront her about it. I asked what's really going on, is there something that's bothering her and what not. But for the first time, I felt she wasn't being completely honest with me. She said her first time was really bad and she's suffering from the trauma, and while that felt like it was the truth, I knew there was something more to it.

>But seeing how uncomfortable she was getting about the topic I decided to let it be for the time being and told her about my difficulties and my lifestyle before I met her. She said she was sorry, she had no idea she was causing me stress. And I was surprised when she brought up the idea of me getting back to having casual sex, just as long as it's strictly physical, and I told her about it after, whenever it happened. I was startled at how comfortable she seemed at the idea.

>Turns out she wasn't, it's been a couple weeks since then and I hooked up a couple times and, as she requested, told her about it. But I'm starting to notice she's been getting a bit more distant and less intimate lately. It's nowhere near that I think she's not interested in this relationship anymore but not as much as before I started hooking up.

>Now, I want to really make this relationship work but I have absolutely no idea how. I realise my job may be a problem, but I'm still hesitant on quitting over a relationship. Any advice is appreciated. I'd really like to know what's going on with her without making her uncomfortable.

She is not ready for sexual intimacy with you. That's fine, she's allowed. You get to decide if you want to wait or not.

You want to keep having sex with other people. That's fine, you're allowed. She gets to decide if she's OK with it or not.

Not sure what your job has to do with any of this - or how "having casual sex" is going to work for you as a stress relief mechanism if/when you get into an exclusive relationship.

>It was on the 5th or 6th date, I remember setting up a dinner date at my apartment, hoping one thing would lead to another. She arrived as ravishing as ever. I cooked. She watched me she found a man who could cook incredibly sexy (I chose to take that as consent). Anyway, we had an enjoyable dinner followed by a late night movie, we even made out a little. But as things started to heat up, she paused the movie, looked me seriously in the eye and said that she's not ready to take that last step yet.

I'm not sure you understand consent - calling someone's cooking ability sexy is not even remotely consent for PIV intercourse or anything else.

Here's some reading for you: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse_assault/drivers_ed_for_the_sexual_superhighway_navigating_consent

[removed]

Honestly I think your issue stems from the first paragraph. Sex and alcohol are not the only two ways to relieve stress and it sounds like you aren't interested in examining other areas. There are many many other, more healthier, ways to relieve stress. If the only reason you're having sex with random people is to relieve stress then I'd suggest working with a therapist or simply Google different relaxation and mindfulness techniques that don't involve the needing of another human or another substance.

[removed]

If he was staying out for the night at someone's house, what difference does it make? The whole "to know they're ok" is something you do with children, not adults. He had no excuse for being 3 hours late when he should have been 25 minutes away, that's inconsiderate. Still, if this is something happening as often as it apparently has, you two just aren't on the same wavelength. I'm not sure there's any point in apologizing when you see him next, best to just move on.

[removed]

She thought she would be ok with it. She was wrong, and she's not. Balls in your court now. You can let her go, because she's not compatable physically, continue casual sex and lose her anyways, or decide she is more important than sex and learn to live without for a while, and even when it does start accept that it will be rarer.

It boils down to, which is more important to you? Sex or this woman?

Honestly I think she just said that to see if you was worth her being comfortable enough to have sex with, and well you just proved to her that you could give zero fu#ks about her and only care about your di#k.

Instead of worrying about getting laid you should of been making her feel more comfortable to be comfortable around you for sex 🤦🏻‍♀️

You have fuc#ed it mate your basically jusy her friend at the minute until she eventually wakes up and blocks you

[removed]

I mean she is right, you can't stop her from posting whatever she wants.

But you can decide what behaviour by your partner is acceptable to you. If they aren't conducting themselves in a way you find appropriate (even after letting them know you are uncomfortable), then you need to decide if it is a dealbreaker or not.

> on par with humouring a toddler helping to "wash the dishes" (you know you'll end up with more of a mess than what you began with and probably a broken dish, but its cute that they wanted to try).

This really hits home. My Mom was exactly that way - "you can help by getting out of the way", so it is triggering.

Funny how people can find relationships that recreate dynamics like that.

I appreciate you and your reply, plenty to think on.

[removed]

You simply aren’t compatible. She shouldn’t have to apologize for not being ready to have sex.

You just had to mention you are a stock broker. As a woman who came of age dating and partying in NYC, I have literally never met a single one of you bros that doesn't understand you can't have everything you want, the way you want it, all of the time. You are the ultimate in wanting have your cake and eat it it too.

You can't build a wholesome, vibrant, successful relationship with The One and also casually fuck unmarriable randos. There will be periods of your life without sex. You sound like the guy that would justify fucking other women while his wife is inrbe hospital or pregnant.

Anyways this relationship is dead whether you realize it or not. Enjoy the casual sex with meaningless women. Hope it was worth it.

[removed]