[removed]

Since you're both practicing psychotherapists, maybe you can appreciate this trope:

Nobody sets out to become a therapist if they don't already have issues themselves that they are looking to gain insight into!

Even if you don't appreciate the trope, it doesn't just come out of nowhere. Several studies have shown that a large percentage of psychologists, for example, are indeed suffering from mental disorders themselves, and other studies have shown the importance of therapy for therapists.

I can kind of understand why you probably feel tempted to expect more from your girlfriend given your shared line of work, but no amount of studying the human psyche or practicing related subjects is going to render someone immune from personal trauma, poor communications skills and whatever else.

You're asking questions you basically already know the answer to in the hopes of a 'Hail Mary' because you love her and don't want to part ways with her, but you already know you can't possibly effectively meet the needs of someone who just isn't able to identify their needs or communicate them.

I watched my mother break her back living this way for decades. Even when she worked full time, she did 100% of housework, cooking, laundry.

When she died, my father assumed I would be taking over the "women's work". I haven't lived there for over 20 years. (He was not so politely informed he'd be doing it his damn self or paying a cleaner, obviously.)

You don't want this life. Trust me.

Yeah this. Seems like that is NOT the case.

Wow so strange I see people have commented but all comments show as deleted

Better be! I linked the Pinterest in the comments because apparently you can’t dm links

[removed]

[removed]

I get it and I'm sorry that you're feeling the loss of a significant relationship but you don't enjoy that lifestyle and that's okay. It's not okay to ask him to change for you this young and you shouldn't change for him either. Hope you get a physician who can help you. Stress is a huge cause of gastric problems and if you can address that it may help with it. Also couldn't hurt to take a medical grade probiotic like alforex and see if that helps too. Another thing is keeping a food and health diary so you can see if any particular foods are causing it. Hope you feel better soon

As she is refusing marriage counseling, there's no other alternative except divorce.

This isn't going to change because she doesn't want it to. My guess is that if she decided your son needs a little brother/sister, then she'd turn on the charm again. This isn't what you signed up for when you married her; to have a sexless marriage before you were 30yo!

You and your wife are modeling behavior for your son: being an adult, a spouse, a parent. As he grows and sees this, he will have a very warped idea of personal/sexual relationships. PLEASE get out and find someone new. Having 2 parents in two different happy homes is much better for him than watching the dismissive, disgusted repulsion that your wife is showing. You and your son deserve better. Your wife does, too, but only she can be the architect of her better life!

I'm hugging you digitally!

Sorry but how does your husband have constant chats with her about where they grew up and weekend plans…but she learns he has a wife from overhearing a conversation?!

How has he not ever said “my wife and I took our son to x on Saturday”?!

YIPPE! I can’t wait for an update! Your on the right track already I’m so proud of you! I’ll dm you the Pinterest board it’s so cute you’ll love journaling

Thank you a thousand times over! I'll send you a personal message and update you on all of it. I'll do as you've recommended. I'll completely erase him and all of them and start new and fresh!

I'd appreciate some tips and inspiration. It would be amazing, thank you! I really can not express how much you reaching out, has meant to me today. I'll definitely keep in touch with you. And when you put it like that, 7 billion is more than enough to choose from!

I can't wait to write a new chapter with new friends and hopefully someday a new love too.

YES. Come back when you block them and give me an update I know how hard it is, but remember why your leaving. Does he know your email? If so block his. Block him on all and any social media you know he has. If you have any pictures you’ve sent him and he still has them DELETE them. Every single one.

The amazing thing about friends is you can ALWAYS make new ones. Literally. 7 billion people on the world and it’s not slowing down anytime soon I swear you will find BETTER.!

I am so happy your gonna try journaling! I love it and I can share you some pics of my journaling book if you’d like, or share you my Pinterest board for inspiration!

You honestly remind me of myself which is why I am going so hard on this, I want you to have all the tools necessary to end this chapter of your life and start a new one.

Be with someone who’s excited to be with you.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

• No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

You have to do the ultimatum: counseling or divorce. This is to a point of no return.

I won't sugar coat or lie - it's not easy right now even thinking about blocking him, and everyone is making me feel like I'm drowning in tar. It's heavy and hard to say goodbye to people that I've grown close to. I hate that I lied, I know what I have done is wrong, and I know I won't ever do it again. Because it's a lesson learned. It hurts. Every part of me wants to hold on to them all, but I know it'll only hurt me, set me back, and prevent me from healing.

Maybe they never were my friends to begin with, but it was one enjoyable illusion. My heart probably isn't ready for a relationship. Maybe I'm mentally not ready for one either. I could do as you said and join some groups, meet people who'll understand and help me build myself back up.

I'll invest myself more in my art and in my studies. Distract my mind and find coping mechanisms, healthy ones. Thank you. I am taking every word to heart. Honestly, journaling sounds like something I could really enjoy, so I might just try that out, too. For now, my first step of healing is blocking him and everyone that he calls his friends.

Sounds like it could be postpartum depression. At least that should be ruled out first, if everything was great until you had your son.

This sounds like an extremely difficult situation and I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this.

I don’t know if this relationship is salvageable, but I would recommend, for now, at least, that you stop flirting, and stop initiating physical contact with her that she clearly does not welcome. If she is depressed and there is something to save here, hugs and flirting that she has made clear she does not want may sour her on those forever by building negative associations. I’ve had partners who touched me when it was not welcome and even when I wanted to make the relationship work it was impossible to get past the self-protective impulse to pull away from touch that I had started to associate with someone violating my consent.

I mean, it's fine to separate out laundry. My partner and I don't do each others'? But wipe "your" floor? Have you talked about what it means for you to wipe "his" floor? I mean, a floor's a floor & everyone dirties it. It doesn't sound to me as if he wants you to do all the chores, but you need to talk with him about an equitable distribution before you marry (and if you can't, do not marry).

Yeah it sucks, I would have kept going out with him had it not been for my stomach issues.

Don’t just say your going to do it, do it right now. As somebody with BPD as I mentioned I know exactly how it is to wanna go back and relapse or rethink and wanna blame yourself and try to justify somebodies actions don’t do that. Don’t do any of that.

Open up to somebody in your life, tell them how you feel and what’s happening. Block those friends, block him, block anybody that knows him be done with it and you need to take a BREAK from relationships and focus on finding coping mechanisms. Journaling helps me and sewing and crocheting. I saw you mention that your a college student so if you like writing you might enjoy journaling to. It helps a lot more than you’d think. Getting out your feelings with artistic expression is also very helpful. Painting, crocheting, sewing, drawing, sketching, doodling, anything really. Maybe start looking into spirituality to, I find that helps me also and start surrounding yourself with positive affirmations.

Learn how to self soothe and remember to use your coping mechanisms even when it’s difficult and you have strong urges to go back or relapse just remind yourself why you left in the first place.

I see you like Reddit so find a group centered and focused around healing or find some on tumblr I swear there’s 100’s. For now you need to focus on YOU, and college. Period.

I would highly advise pre-marital counseling for everyone. You will walk through the biggest things that cause couples to break up and talk about in a structured and moderated way.

I would suggest a conversation where you express how disturbed you are by your previous conversation on the housework topic. I might suggest taking a quiz designed for pre-marital couples to look at where you agree and disagree on key topics. I’m having a hard time believing that housework allocation is going to be your only sticking point.

From there you can look at the big picture and decide if it is time to move forward or move on from the relationship.

A different guy would be better, do not bring in a guy you have history and your boyfriend has resentment for. Why not wait a bit to have the threesome till you have clear rules in places.