And that's it

We always video call

Go round there and be straight and say

"I didn't know how to react at first as I was shocked and hurt but I've been seeing (hisname) too, I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner it's just I was taken back that we have both been seeing the same guy and I needed time to process what's going on. But I'm cutting him off as it makes me sick, he spewing all these lies to me and then coming having sex with you that is why i tried to tell you he was using you without actually saying why because i felt sick and used myself "

As you pull up to her apartment. Before you say this☝️

Text him and say..

"My friend (hername) just showed me a picture of the guy she is having casual sex with, and it's you!! She obviously didn't know about us, but now she does I don't want to hear any excuses or lies anymore.. what ever this was is now over and I will be promptly blocking you"

Then block him, exclusive or not he made it clear to you he only seeing you to keep you sweet and that's disgusting.

Thank you for the advice. I keep my head just in case

I have at least 5 people in my life with zero social media. They don’t see the point at all….

Just to get input, since posts get buried in the mass and I wanted to hear responses

None. We haven't even met yet.

My ideal situation would be for her to sense or see for herself taht he’s engaging with another woman and for her to just leave him… but I don’t know how to make her see that!!! Whenever she’s with him I try to blow up his phone for her to see that he’s texting a different girl but he hides his phone

<checks notes> you two are nearly 30 years old and acting like little kids. Good lord. Break up, get some therapy, grow up and then date someone who acts like an adult and not a spoiled, petulant child. She sounds insufferable.

There are two types of “friends”

There is “we are friends and there is never a chance of us being a couple”

And there is “we are friends are you’re a cutie”

If you keep wanting to be in the second category of friendship, you need to accept all forms of friendship. However be aware you could also be accepting a soul-crushing invite to category 1 friendship.

Even if it’s category 2, you’re gonna have to act like it’s category 1, and never focus on that second category. Just go with the flow, and focus on being friends first, and nothing else. You cannot be in category 2 if you are not friends.

You may be in category 2 after doing something as ridiculous as proposing after a couple of months and this is your second chance, but you’re not going to get a third, and you’re going to have to play the long game — think years.

How much IRL time do you spend together?

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Why exactly did you get engaged if you aren’t sure that you’re in love?

6 months is already not a super long time to get to know a boyfriend, much less a life partner. Why not just stay boyfriend and girlfriend while your relationship develops is you’re already not feeling just …..eh, and not exactly sure if things will last ?

Could you explain a bit more what the reason for was for an engagement at this moment ? Besides you having similar values ?

Only you can decide. If this is his one request and it's a deeply held conviction that he also applies to himself, you might choose to make this sacrifice as a kind of loving gift to him. If there are other rules he's imposing on you, though, let him go.

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These big age gap ones always are, at least this is better than [18F][38M]

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It seems clear that each of you didn’t do your best at handling the situation or reading the signs the other was giving. Either of you could’ve done better. Leaving in the middle of an argument works for some people but to other people, it appears like you are bailing out rather than resolving conflict.

You need to figure out how she works and she needs to figure out how you work so you can both find middle ground and do a better job of reading each other’s signals earlier and clearer so you don’t get to these conflicts.

Since she’s not available, I’ll ask you: was this time critical were you just were excited because you are just finished your writing? Once it was obvious, she wasn’t ready to do it, did you realize that and push anyway? Did you need to? Does it really mean she doesn’t care about you if she deferred on it? I know it’s hard to have something you care about go under recognized by someone you care about, but this is part of the same emotional maturity you insulted her for lacking.

So she has zero fucks to give when it comes to supporting you and taking a few minutes to read a story that's important to you, but when it's time to fight she's actively pursuing it? That's some messed up priorities.

Removing yourself from an argument and letting the dust settle is perfectly valid. Despite the desire of some to settle things here and there, all it usually accomplishes is both parties saying things they'll regret. Witness your girlfriend's behavior.

So, why are you still with him? This is who he is. It works for him. He’s not changing.

Your friends are idiots. Find smarter friends

Manipulative people search out understanding, kind people like you. Be cautious.

Straight up tell her.

Hey you know your fuck buddy? Yes. Here's a pic of my "boyfriend". Yes, he's the same guy. He's been lying to both of us.

Or are you trying to get out of this where everyone is completely happy?

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