He lies to you. He's probably lying about a lot more. And you know he's cool with cheating.

And when you stay with him. Well, you never have him meet your best friend ever? Do you think once she breaks it off with him that she will just forget what he looks like when she hangs out with you and him?

Do you really think your best friend would stay with a guy who lied to you and her and cheated on you with her?

With friends like that, you don't need enemies.

Why on Earth would you be seeing/chasing the same guy as your best friend. Wtf?! No man is worth it hunny. And if he’s seeing you two both, chances are this 40 yo player is seeing others too. Good luck.

Yeah… he can help rebuild my trust by showing me that the messages were truly nothing, but he won’t. You’re right that I can only go by my gut at this point. It still really doesn’t feel right. But idk what else to do.

Well for sure don’t marry him. Seems like this isn’t a good fit. You could try therapy, talk to your doctor, etc but this doesn’t sound like it’s “just” a libido thing. Not that sexual incompatibility isn’t important—it is—I mean that it seems like the whole package is problematic and not meeting your needs.

Has it occurred to you that he’s using you, too?

Tell her so you can both dump his ass back to back.

It’s difficult with a LDR. But at some point you have to trust a person - until you decide not to trust them anymore. Follow your gut.

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I have feelings for him.. and it would kill me to leave him and then my best friend who is also my sister to have him and not being able to say shit!!!

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I'm in therapy, have been for months. I go bi weekly.

So…what has he said when you’ve discussed this?

You sound a lot like my partner and I’m more like your boyfriend. And we are mid 40’s. Like…he left last night to go to our cabin and called this morning just to say good morning and I love you. That’s how he is. It wouldn’t even occur to me if he hadn’t told me years ago that he wants us to do good morning/Goodnight when we aren’t together. So he communicated that to me and before we lived together, I literally set an alarm on my phone so I’d remember to do that.

Same with the texts. I only check texts a couple times a day. I have notifications turned off because I find it really distracting when I’m trying to work. In this case, my partner has adapted to me and knows that if it’s emergent/urgent, he should call. Else I’ll reply to texts when I’m taking a break.

I think you just need to communicate what you want/need.

Ok. Then he should be perfectly fine with deleting his profile and the app while you watch him. If he’s not and comes up with excuses then you know he’s lying.

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Why do you want to date someone you fight over nonsense?

Is being single really harder than a pretend relationship?

So you still want to be with him after this?

They are not together. So him taking to others doesn't matter.

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I told her I don't have a problem with her not reading it, I dropped the situation and went back to what I was doing. And she is available as she's a redditor active on this subreddit as well. The problem isn't her not reading the story, it's the response to me having hurt feelings about it. I didn't push her to read it it. I was happy to share it with her. I didn't say she doesn't care about me.

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Ow, I'm sorry for that. I just wanted to be heard. That's all

A very important detail that makes this entire argument pointless.

It sounds like this was the final straw for her. I think what she's asking you to do is be fully present when you're with her.

If you met her when she was maybe 17, it makes me wonder if it was arranged, a love match or something else. In any relationship, but especially one with a large age gap, it's really important to understand each other's expectations and be clear on how you're going to compromise.

No, i feel uneasy at the fsct she gave her number away. I love her because she is nice and kind. But as a man, it looks to me that the guy is trying to do something. Maybe i am wrong, and i can apologise if i am, but highly doubt it

It sounds like you’re holding to him to a standard of specific actions that he doesn’t know are important to you. You need to talk to him about what you want, you can’t expect him to just know that a goodnight text every night is important to you. It sounds like he absolutely does show you his love, just in his way, because there hasn’t been clear communication about how you want to be shown love.

Unless this is actually self sabotage, this is 100% fixable by a simple kind and respectful conversation about getting on the same page of how both of you want to receive love. But please know that the situation isn’t him not giving the same love you are. It’s the two of you giving in different ways.

It was up on his screen and I asked him for clarification and he started lying and being defensive. I have nothing else that I question about him, which is what makes all of this difficult. I want to say forget it and move on but I feel like that might be super naive…