Liar liar pants on fire 🔥

You are allowed to want better sex and his defeatist, lazy, selfish, and jealous, attitude to his issues says that he doesn’t care about your pleasure at all. At your age, you should be having lots of wonderful sex and working out what is good for you but I’m afraid you are never going to get that with this man, not because he can’t, but because he couldn’t be bothered enough about your pleasure to try. He is unlikely to change with marriage.

He does value me, there's a lot more to it than just the intimate side, I know he loves me and if anything that makes it harder because he always says he'd be lost without me, loves me more than anything, can't see a life without me etc. I know he loves me I just don't think he shows it in the same ways I do

Did she cheat on you, and now she is afraid you will ?

I've done that and she says that she doesn't know, I've been insistent as well but I always get the same answer "I just don't know okay?"

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Not at all I think it’s totally healthy.

Some people are against social media and I wish I was one of them!!!!! I use an instagram dummy account so I can follow current events but don’t have to see what my classmate from six years ago is up to with her ugly baby.

Protect this man at all costs

He is not showing you everything. If he had nothing to hide, he would be transparent.

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It doesn't sound like your fiance values you very much (or is even that into you) and that you love him an awful lot more than he does you. If your fiance will not put any effort into either your sex life or broader things in the relationship, then nothing you do will change anything. I would seriously consider calling off the wedding because once he is married that will make him even less incentivised to change.

Nah this guy sucks.

First of all - premature ejaculation can be annoying but it isn’t too hard to work around. You can always wait like 10 min and have sex again! Or ask him to jerk off a bit before sex.

But the biggest issue here isn’t that - it’s the way he reacted when he brought up legitimate issues. There’s nothing he can do about oral sex? That’s bullshit! Tell him exactly what feels good and ask him to do it. If you don’t know, google it! Plenty of websites with advice. If he can’t do that he’s selfish plain and simple.

And the solutions you propose he shoots down because he’s insecure. This is not someone you want to date! He is ignoring your needs and desires and he is very selfish! He cares more abt his fragile ego than making sure sex is good for you.

You can’t be in a sexual relationship and have a complex about sex that includes being unable to ever talk about sex. That is insane.

If he doesn’t change its time to move on. Your fears are so valid! You should get out there and explore! You shouldn’t necessarily marry the first person you have sex with!

Life is too short to accept mediocre to bad sex. It’s such bullshit that so many young women especially feel like sex is for their partner, not for them, and just accept this inequitable nonsense. I had shitty sex like that where I was basically a human flesh light and my pleasure didn’t matter til I finally dated someone with some skill who cared about my pleasure too. Since then? I’ve still had some mediocre sex but even with a partner who was really trying? I ended things since we couldn’t get aligned in the bedroom.

Your partner isn’t even trying. At all. He’s insecure (no toys? What? He might like them too!), he won’t see a doctor or therapist for his SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION, he won’t pleasure you and doesn’t care about your pleasure.

Girl? If I (44F) could go back and tell my 16-25 YO self to DTMFA for the shitty sex, I would. So telling you—it’s okay to want to be sexually compatible.

You should ask her why she feels so insecure? Why doesn’t she feel trust with you?

i'm in midwestern america, live in a suburb of likely its shittiest town. i had no idea that depression actually caused problems with your brain, thought it just messed with your conscious approach to the day and thought process, however you're right as every bone and organ in our bodies can be damaged. alcohol is something i originally tried for this issue and it was a trememdous failure. sure in the present moment i felt calmed and worry free, but i quickly became dependent on it, where after only drinking 3 days straight i tried to stop for a week and couldnt even carry out simple tasks lucidly, as the desire to drink was causing my hands to shake and mind to spin. seems like you're right about the "giving up on things too easily", reflecting, it does look like an actual pattern. only problem is, even as you may be correct, im still terribly scared of antidepressents. its like im giving in to the helplessness and deciding that im too much of a lost cause for a personal fix so i need to use (side effect prone, creativity altering, energy reducing) pills that, god for bid i do not want to become dependent on, and one day try to go off them and experience withdrawal.

I appreciate the honesty and perspective. It's just so difficult because he is a wonderful person, I really do love him and want him to be happy. He always says he would be lost without me and I just can't imagine ever hurting him. But I'm not sure that I am happy, I'm not sure that I want this and I'm not sure this is right for me. It breaks my heart but I don't want to hurt him. I want it to work so so badly but I'm not sure what else I can do

This is actually the first relationship I have ever been in with someone who has any type of addiction problems. I didn't know he was at first obviously but then he started smoking around me and then one night after he stayed over I found pills in his pants and he lied to me about what they were saying they were just supplements. I have been seeing a therapist so hopefully things get better. I just feel so bad because I feel like I am giving up on them.

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I'll, I've just bought some udemy courses to get better at coding, for now I'm enjoying it.

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The hard truth is that it's more than likely a lost cause given the fact that you have a three and a half year sample size where nothing has ever changed. As such, you have no reason to believe it's ever going to. I'd say to sit down and talk about it, but it seems you have and always get dismissed.

That begs the question as to why you'd have agreed to enter into a legal relationship with him knowing all of this. Marriage isn't going to change anything. The relationship you have now is the same relationship you're going to have after signing a piece of paper.

Now, I realize I'm being very matter of fact here, but for context, I'm a guy and I'm happily married. I tell you this so that you understand I'm not being negative for the sake of being negative. I'm not at all anti-marriage. I love love and I wish you nothing but the absolute best.

To keep it simple, the two of you are fundamentally incompatible. Your sex life is honestly an afterthought in the big picture here. You've lost interest in having sex with him, because you're overall unhappy with him. Even if you started having more sex, that wouldn't change the fact that the other problems still exist. You're not being unreasonable to want intimacy in your romantic relationship, and that's beyond sex. It just simply doesn't exist here. Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life?

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Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

• ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

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• All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

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OP,

There are people out there that just cannot justify putting there life into the world for everyone to see.

Then there are people who hide the things they do because they cheat.

So, if you haven't seen any red flags, he treats you well, your in love with this person, etc. Then stop listening to them, maybe they are unhappy with their relationships so they project it out to the ones they are happy.

Could he be sneaky, Maybe. Could he be 100% honest, maybe.

Sometimes there are hard lines.

You laid out the opposite boundary to him first. You said you weren't going to change on this. Now he's saying he doesn't accept that.

Either you two find some kind of compromise or you walk away. There isn't a third option. The two of you want contradictory things and have clearly expressed them.

My only advice is you both sit down, be calm and non-judgemental and talk about your feelings towards porn. Don't argue with each other. Try to understand each other. It may be in the process of coming to understand why each of you feels the way you do that one of you softens their stance. Maybe not. Don't make it an argument. Don't try to debate each other. Sincerely make an effort to understand and see if there is any change of heart.

Otherwise, walking away is the only option. You can't both have two contradictory things.