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What exactly is his financial situation? Does he have nothing in savings and is legitimately financially irresponsible, or is this a situation where he does put money into savings, it's a solid amount overall, but he also treats himself because he has the means to do so? Does he have any debt?

Thanks for understanding. MIL has been doing really poorly health wise. The only reason why I'm not so concerned about sitting in the living room ( believe me I try to be as non intrusive as possible) is because she gets a minimum of 2 hours of rest in the afternoon. She doesn't have to do much of work as I cook and do the dishes most of the time. She just has to take her medicines and maybe get some warm water from the kitchen. Sometimes she'll sleep 3-4 hours in the afternoon.

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Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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I split based on income when I was single but living with a partner but once I got married it all went into the family pot so there was no splitting (tho in theory that is the same as splitting based on income)

Yeah I think that’s what I’m gonna do. We’ve been seeing each other since October last year. Trying to settle issues like this while he’s away is hard so I’m just gonna wait til he gets back

That’s a fun twist on reality. You don’t “let him” do chores. 😂

I’m just envisioning you telling him “oh honey, don’t take out the trash or sweep the floor. I want to do all the chores myself!” Good lord. If that’s true, I’ve got ocean front property for him in Arizona. 🙄

Not only has he mastered weaponized incompetence, he’s blaming YOU for it. Have him read this: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288/amp

And call his bluff. As him to write out a chore chart and sign himself up.

I don’t like passive aggressive stuff so I would just be direct. “Babe, you said that you want to do more so let’s see about a solution here. Why don’t you write up a chore chart and we can divide things up. Im used to doing pretty much all the stuff because I don’t like waiting til it’s overwhelming and I don’t want the emotional labor of directing you like a child. So make the list of what you perceive to be the needed things, then let’s review it together and I’ll add my input and then we can get the division of labor more balanced.”

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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Give it a couple of days because she is likely collecting her thoughts & emotions on the matter too, but don't leave it too long because otherwise the conversation will became harder to bring up.

I think it would also be a good idea for you to both meet up in person to talk about this.

You were also turning yourself into a 1955 housewife. Plus you’re preventing him from being able to share and bond in the relationship. Give up some of the control and involve your boyfriend if you want him there

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Tbh I'd be inclined to bring nothing else up with him until he gets back. I wouldn't contact him unless he contacts you. Pull back from this mess.

How long have you been together?

I get the going out and it's to be expected. Any of them being married or having partners means nothing in my book. In this situation it boils down to your trust in your partner and hopefully you know some of the friends and their history.

Having said that, he's apparently lying to you, and disrespecting you by not being an adult and having a real conversation about what's going on. He's going to come home and spew some BS about you ruining his vacation, but what really happened is you called him out on his behavior and he is throwing a tantrum.

Sorry I RANT in this and it looses coherence at some point:

Ok so first of something that I have noticed in life. No research I can think to back me up but Years of observation of my father, brother, husband, male relatives vs mother, myself, female relatives. This is generalizations and not fact just from my experience

Men do not either notice or think that things need to be done right away. Men will leave anything to the next day and the next day and so on and so forth. I don't believe this is a conscious choice/decision. I think they are just wired to have "blinders" up around their eyes and ears. (example being if a baby cries they will sit there until mom handles it or until they "feel like it is bad enough"; open a bag of chips and either leave it open to stale or empty on the coffee table, stomp around house in dirty shoes and leave trail to be stepped in by others, etc.) Or they will do it and do it to such a subpar level that it is harder to redo it then if they would have just left it alone. This is where the term weaponized incompetence comes from.

Women notice and jump to handle everything. It bothers us to see something not being taken care of immediately. Like stresses us fully. (example, baby cries we jump, we throw everything away as we go, we take shoes off to make sure we do not tract stuff through home, etc.)

Now, what is concerning is that he is pushing the blame for his lack of initiative off on you having initiative. While like I said above men seem to me at least have not domestic initiative built in to their dna, they can infact change that. I always coin it as "if your job said you had to have the work place spotless (like lick the floor and not get nothing in your mouth clean) they would 100% do it with out having to be told or reminded. So why is the home different." Your BF knows that you will infact handle it all so he lets you. It is not that "you get to it first" it is that he doesn't want to and wouldn't do it but his excuse for his lack of initiative is that you did it first. This is showing he is 100% aware of the fact that you are doing everything. He saw what ever it is that you handled first. He knew. Or else the response would be a clueless one of not even realizing that was a thing.

When you actually "listen" to what people say to you it is very telling of the fact that they know exactly what they are doing.

Is she in therapy? Nightmares are something I struggle with, as well as anxious attachment. When I'm feeling insecure, I'm likely to have nightmares about my partner breaking up with me, being unfaithful, etc. I think the best you can do is support her in getting to the bottom of these dreams, which she should do with a therapist. I'm curious if she shows other signs of being insecure or anxiously attached? Some examples might be looking through your phone, getting upset when you spend time with friends, etc.

It is your house. If your only options for workspace are the living room or your bedroom, you have to work in one or the other ... And living room seems entirely reasonable to me.

I wouldn't be so worried about inconveniencing MIL who is sleeping in your living room for 6 months. If she doesn't like it, she can go live somewhere else.

Girl, you just need to get out.

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

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What advice are you looking for here? I mean, to me the answer is obvious: leave. This guy's manipulative and abusive.

• he decided BIL would live with you without bothering to clear it with you first. Oh, and BIL is a freeloader so you're paying his living expenses too.

• he then claimed you were just as bad because you ... got skin care treatment without telling him? Oh, dude. Yeah, that's not the same as having an entire extra person living in your house.

• MIL also lives with you. I'm gonna guess you weren't consulted about this either and hubby just presented it to you as a done deal.

• you have a demanding job and have to work late frequently, which is hard to do because MIL is sleeping in living room and hubby goes to sleep early in bedroom. So you work in the dark to avoid inconveniencing all these people who are not concerned about inconveniencing you.

• he took your laptop from you when you were in the middle of doing work, and refused to give it back. Then he got physical and hurt you.

Yeah.

No more evidence needed here. Leave.