I don't want an easy out tho bro, I want an easy in. We fell inove with a burning passion and our relationship is so great it shouldn't have to suffer these doubts she has on her days off..

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This is what I have always done with my wife as well … when we first moved in together I made significantly more than she did so I paid about 75% of our shared expenses as her earnings increased we adjusted the amounts accordingly and we are about 50/50 now

Selfish to a certain level is normal. You are in individual with your own life and things like self care and self love are very healthy and ok boundary to be selfish in. Selfish that is toxic and crossing boundaries is more what bf is showing. Dependent and expecting others to clean up one's own messes and issues like it is their entitlement. That is the line of selfishness that would be unhealthy. So I won't call what you are doing is really selfish to that point. It is reasonable and it is great you are standing up for yourself and having high self respect. You are doing the right thing to priotize your mental health and peace. The problem is more of a them problem than a you problem so don't get gaslit or gaslight yourself. But it might be a sign of some yellow flags that could be borderline red. The lack of consideration and selfishness in their actions and behavior is a concern. Thats not very viable to maintaining a relationship and it might lead to ruin.

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Don't come up with interesting topics. Make it about her. You're a talk show host and she's your guest. interview her and learn more about her, what she likes, what she does, what her life is like, etc.

Don't, the age gap is gross.

When you are 40 he'll be 63, that's hot, right?

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She's after your husband. He sounds like a good guy shutting her down like that.

Her intrusive behavior is completely unprofessional.

I guess there's a lot of options ranging from them having too much time on their hands to hiding relationships from people they know. More importantly.... why are you worried about what your ex is doing?

[removed]

He said he’d figure it out. How is that passive aggressive?

You made your stance clear. He needs to organize his own transportation. He has now said he will.

Take your trip and relax! You deserve it! Adding several hours of driving wouldn’t appeal to me either. That doesn’t make you a jerk.

[removed]

How can I make it safe for him to be honest with me? I told him that I’d rather hear an honest answer than continue being lied to. I won’t get overly mad. Yes, it will make me upset (I feel like it would make anyone upset really) but I won’t freak out. I told him that he can either admit the truth and then we can see what to do next (either go to therapy and work on his addiction together ** if HE genuinely wants to stop **,) if he doesn’t want to stop or he isn’t capable to do so for whatever reason I told him it’s better to admit it now and just end things because it’s not going to work out that way. i told him I’m not going to tolerate lies - so if he’s lying to me now and not admitting it, and eventually there’s going to be similar episode and the truth will uncover somehow I’m not going to give him any more chances. I’m willing to forgive him now and see if he wants to fix the issue, but if he will do it either way behind my back it’s definitely not going to work

In your shoes, I'd suggest to your husband that he tell HR, or at least his boss, about the prying, personal questions and attention he's getting from this woman, and that he tell her that he won't be discussing his personal life or you. Because this sounds like someone who is either trying to insinuate herself into his life, or trying to set him up in some way.

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[deleted]

Just be honest with her. "Hey, I'm not great at keeping conversations going and it causes me some anxiety. I really want to get to know each other and don't want you to misinterpret any silence as lack of interest."

Most people would be very understanding about something like that, if you show some vulnerability and honesty.

Also, consider getting one of those packs of questions that are intended for couples to get to know each other. It's a fun game to play, just answer a few of the questions together and relax.

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[removed]

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Yeah that sucks bro. Well honestly, they both suck, but yours probably sucks more. At least you've got an easy "out" if you decide to go that route.