You need a baseline first. Is she usually open and does she rarely bring up guys from work? Have you caught her speaking bad of a guy that she was actually interested/attracted to? Things like “I thought he was awkward/gay/not that cute” but her actions speak otherwise? I think she’s trying to deflect and her being open to sharing her phone then getting weird screams red flags to me. Relationship requires openness and honesty and if she accuses you of having other women when you’ve never broken her trust could mean she’s projecting.

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But why would she continue to do that she just got married?

That was absolutely my guess as well!

Ok. Well then just be extra kind to her and don’t have any negative comments.

Again - she just went though a huge medical trauma to give you a child. You can be extra nice to her right now while she’s sensitive.

That girl is on the prowl and is jealous of you and your husbands relationship. Your husband needs to shut her down hard or she will escalate it further.

Her insulting the men at work doesn’t mean the exact opposite. Give her some credit.

i guess i know if i leave then he is gone from my life forever (my choice ofc) and that makes me sad cause we have a good time together and we are so similar. and i enjoy his company. i just hate how things have been and he won’t make time for me and it’s not fair. but obviously his actions are telling me he doesn’t care about this relationship and i’m not important even if his words say the opposite.

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Having got rather intimate with a friend it took us about a month to discuss it. Surprisingly the occasion we got intimate was also the same day we discussed it being a bad idea. Clearly it was on our minds and we still decided to sense out the window.

P.S. it doesn’t have to ruin a friendship but you should consider why it happened as you’re both in committed relationships.

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One of the hardest things for me to learn was to give my wife time to process things her own way. I overthink while she is doing this, My mind fills in the blanks where I have no right to fill in yet until she is ready. I still do this to this day.

Sometime just leave that conversation alone for the time being and turn something more positive like a simple I love you, and as long as we are together, we will get thru it.

Support and remind your SO but let them process their own way.

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We’ve both met each others families but neither set of our grandparents know we’re gay. The rest of our family and friends know and very supportive so him joining for dinner would be an understood nonstarter unless we did a weird “this is my friend” thing which neither of us wants.

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we’ve both gained probably about the same amount of weight during the relationship. it does not bother me at all, as i am just as much, if not more as in love and attracted to him as i was at the beginning.

the only “change” is that we’ve moved in together and he’s kind of a slob, but i’m ok with that bc i do really enjoy cleaning lmao

Some people have no morals. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You stop seeing him. Do you want to be his mother? Honestly this dude is gross and has a lot of growing up to do.

It sounds like he's bothered that he wasn't invited to be part of the celebration, which I can kind of understand, but I'd need more information to know if that's reasonable or not.

Such as, do your grandparents know you're gay, do they know you're in a relationship, have you met your bfs family, has he met the rest of yours, etc.

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Yeah, like that is an improvement. Blame her & make her feel bad for looking after you when she's the one who still needs looking after. Let's just hope you haven't given her and baby whatever horrible bug you've got.

The only thing that I see 'wrong' here is that you're still in a relationship with him. You've been on and off for four years. Relationships should be joyful parts of your life. Why are you continuing to waste time and energy on someone who doesn't seem to care about you?

“Dude I think you’re super cool but for my own health and safety, I’m kind of particular and want to be with someone with good hygiene. What that means to me is clean clothes, bathed, clean hair, teeth, ears, etc. I don’t really know how else to say it more kindly but you need to work on that if we are going to pull this off.”

Your standards aren’t nuts by any stretch. Maybe he was never taught, maybe he doesn’t have money for a dentist…who knows but it’s a deal breaker for you and would be for most people id hope.