Recent comments in /f/relationship_advice

AutoModerator t1_jeg7oyu wrote

Reply to Do you have any advice or tips on how to keep your sex life interesting after 20years of marriage? M44 F51 by Even_Ship_1304

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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mfruitfly t1_jeg7o6c wrote

Reply to I (24F) am not sure how to split finances with my (29M) partner that’s fair / reasonable by GunterFanClub

So I think there are two equally good ways to split finances.

  1. Based on income: The person who makes more pays for more (rent, utilities) based on a percentage of their income, and then you decide on how you split other expense like vacations and dates. It isn't practical to split a dinner bill 60/40 or whatever, so you figure out a system of expectations for dates, and then of course each vacation can be discussed as it comes up. I think based on income is the better option when two people are married or really solid in their relationship, because then it truly is a joint partnership.
  2. 50/50 but the budget is based on the lower earner: You split your expenses equally, but where you live and the other living expenses are based on you, as the lower earner. For example, if I can afford $1000 in rent and my partner can only afford $500, we find a place that fits his lower budget. That way it isn't just an equal split, but fair to the lower earner. I think this is better for couples who aren't ready for "life together" but just starting out living together, or where there is a big disparity on the value of money (one is a saver, one is a spender).

And then either way, you shouldn't be going in to debt for dates, gifts, and vacations. When a weekend trip comes up, it is fine to say "I can't afford that." I pay for most of the vacations with my partner, because he is on a limited income. I want to go on vacation, and I want him there with me, so I have no problem paying. It is totally fine to tell your partner when you can't afford something- a fancy restaurant, a weekend trip- and then they can decide if they want to pay or to pick a more economical activity. If you just say "i can't afford that" then you aren't expecting them to pay, which of course you shouldn't, you are just being honest about your finances.

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throwRA4236777 OP t1_jeg7l2x wrote

Reply to comment by [deleted] in I (23m) am suspicious of my fiance (23 f) who I know to be very loyal by throwRA4236777

She doesn't talk about guys from work. I've asked before who she was in a meeting with once bc she was laughing alot. So I assumed that's maybe why she said that. But she said it's bc I don't ask stuff like that.. idk.. she's honest about looks but typically doesn't contradict what is true about men. She will call pretty women ugly tho. I've never broken her trust besides watching porn when she knew I did but just kinda decided I'm not going to anymore halfway through our 4 year relationship.

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MarvellousIntrigue t1_jeg7hqx wrote

Reply to comment by throwawayOvershare1 in My gf (24f) broke up with me (30m) after a month into an overseas trip by throwawayOvershare1

What do you mean, ‘affect the ability to pair bond’?? Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude, but that is honestly the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.

People will bond and become attached to someone if they feel a connection with them and like them for who they are as a person. How many people you have had sex with prior is irrelevant. It has no baring whatsoever on whether you will bond and have a connection with the next person.

My husband had slept with 40 women before we met. He is the most loving and caring man to me. Our bond is stronger than any I have ever had. We trust each other completely, and hence him being totally open and honest with me about his life before me.

People can have attachment issues because of childhood trauma with parents/family, but sexual partners from one night stands because you are just living carefree, not so much!

I’m thinking your view on this is cultural/religious?? I understand your view. I just don’t believe the two things are related.

Yeah, that last part, unprotected sex etc. she just seems like she doesn’t care. She seems very selfish tbh. You seem like a good dude! I would try and put it behind you and move forward to find someone that deserves you.

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AutoModerator t1_jeg6wnj wrote

Reply to My (20M) boyfriend (22M) of two years always sends me pictures of himself but never wants anything more by [deleted]

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

  • ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

MadamKitsune t1_jeg6wnd wrote

Reply to My (19F) ex (20M) guilt-tripped me into thinking it's my fault I can't orgasm and now it triggers me when I try with others by woolflowerbread

First rule: don't fib about how much you enjoyed it and don't fake it. If someone thinks they are hitting all the right buttons because you aren't being truthful about how many they're missing then they'll carry on doing it that way and you won't get the satisfaction you deserve.

Secondly, never have sex out of obligation. If you don't want it, you don't have to do it. Forcing yourself to have sex just to please someone else/keep them around only reinforces any negative associations you already have.

Third your ex is a selfish, lazy tool. His penis is not a magic wand that can make any woman orgasm just by pointing it in her direction. Work on dropping that idea from your mindset because it's created a mental roadblock that you can't get past without help. The truth is that many women have trouble reaching orgasm from penetration alone and need extra mental, emotional and physical stimulation to get their own personal best out of sex. You are not defective, you are not unusual and you are not alone.

Finally knowing how to please yourself and being confident in expressing it to an open and understanding partner will help. Reading Come As You Are by Dr Emily Nagoski might be a helpful starting point for you to begin your explorations. Good luck!

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Chrrr91 t1_jeg6t50 wrote

Reply to comment by otot1993 in M30 F30 Girlfriend gave her number to another guy? by otot1993

Okay than I guess if you are not insecure, what are you upset about? Why email? If I’m in some kind of trouble, need advice I’m not going to email. I barely check the damn thing. How is it disrespectful to give out ur phone number to guy if this has nothing to with trust or insecurities?

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