I completely agree. Knowing now what OP has omitted, I find the rest of his post suspect. I'm guessing that the wife would have quite a different view of their relationship and the reason behind lack of intimacy.

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My better half didn't care where I put anything as long as the surround sound was set up properly. Put stuff where you want.

Who makes fake accounts to look at porn? Just own it.

You just do it. I know, not helpful, so I will break it down.

First, assess what you share that you need to deal with. If you have stuff of his to return, if he has stuff of yours you want back, if he has access to your money or keys to your place. For the latter items- change the passwords/get rid of accounts he has access too, and try and get the keys back a day or two before you break up with an excuse (friend is stopping by so I need to give them the spare). Also take this time to collect your shit- quietly- from his place.

Second, break up. Go to his place, with his stuff, and break it off. Keep it short and simple "this isn't working for me, as we discussed X, Y, Z, and I am ending the relationship." Now, this is where it gets hard, because he is going to argue with you, and you simply do not participate. I learned this from a boss about firing people; you have made the decision, you don't need to justify it, you don't need to prove them wrong. Let him say what he needs to say- within reason- and you simply nod and show empathy, and end with- well I disagree and have made my decision. Sidenote: If you worry he will be angry/violent, break up in a public place instead where you have your own transportation. A walk in the park or a beer garden is good for this, not a restaurant where you have to wait for the check! Coffee shops are okay but sometimes can be very quiet. Basically, a public place where you can actually have the conversation without feeling like you have an audience, and where you can escape.

Third, do not respond to attempts at communication. You don't have to start out by blocking him, but you need to commit to "I need full space apart for awhile before even figuring out if we can be friends." If he texts you about very practical things- do you have my hoodie- you can respond and keep it brief, no small talk, solve the problem, end convo. If he starts harassing you or you think you are caving, then you silence the convo or block him. I find blocking hard because I worry it was harsh (I liked this person at one point, they weren't abusive, it just didn't work out), so just control your responses, don't get dragged in to conversation, and ask him to stop or you will block him if he is like bombing you with "i miss you."

Fourth, sorry you are a woman. Because of that, I have to tell you the following: Besides breaking up in a public/safe place, you also need to be careful for the few weeks after breaking up. Maybe stay with a friend/family if you live alone or have someone stay with you. Vary your schedule a little if you can (aka, you always leave for work at 8am, maybe go in early and get coffee for a few day). Always be very vigilant of coming home and leaving home, same with work, school, or other places you frequent. Some of this is good breakup advice regardless of safety- go visit friends in a city over, have a slumber party and eat sugar, stay with family- and yes, is this all a little nuts? Sure, but it is better to spend two weeks being a bit paranoid and then laughing it off than it is to be...on Forensic Files.

No, she’s white which is why I have doubts…

You set yourselves up to do this, It was not an accident.

It was a series of bad choices leading up to the cheating for the both of you.

At this point I think you both deserve each other. Let your SO's know and let them make their own choice and you problems will be solved

So you could care less that you ruined and cheated on your marriage and only care about ruining your friendship. Your first thought should have been how to save your marriage. You shouldn’t be married. You two deserve each other and quit deceiving your SO’s. If you’re keeping your best friend / fuck buddy then lose the wife.

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Why don't you spend more time together?

Is she Asian?

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If this is real, there’s no way she doesn’t think you are part of things.

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I'd let him do house chores. How do his Thursdays look? Would he do gutters?

I was dating someone who I really loved and trusted, but I started getting icked out. I thought it was a me problem, because as far as I knew at the time, nothing in our relationship had changed. I just felt gross and anxious when he touched me, and the feeling grew. I felt like I was losing my mind! I told him that I was dealing with some complicated feelings, but it was really hard to articulate what the issue was because I genuinely didn't know what was going on. I ended up breaking up with him because of it.

Turned out, he'd started cheating on me. I didn't consciously see any signs of cheating. No sudden weirdness about his phone, I didn't catch him in any lies, but the first time he slept with the other woman was the night that I just couldn't be around him without feeling gross. It all lined up later once I found out the truth.

Now, obviously, the wife in the post ( if we can trust OP as a narrator, especially now knowing he has omitted important details ) is giving reasons that don't seem to make sense. It makes me wonder if that's done by design to get a certain reaction from us here.

Should she communicate with him? Definitely. Has she? Hard to say.

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• We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

• Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)

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• What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

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No this is not ok, please tell your husband not to be alone with her anywhere and ensure that someone is always present when she is around him.

You do not meet with up an ex when you are in a new committed relationship.

You based your decision on your gf - if she wasn't comfortable, you wouldn't go. You put it on her.

Instead, it should have been that you told the ex no, and then told the gf that she asked and you declined.

Have clean and clear boundaries and don't allow these kind of messy things to happen. Your ex is your past. Move forward and stop looking back. Be committed and responsible in your new relationship.

Is it possible she assumes you know you are invited?