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This is helpful. I know this is the right path. I guess I just needed a community vote to make sure I’m not in the wrong. I think that’s that hardest part getting over a long term gaslighting relationship,just validating that your beliefs are true, regardless of the truth.

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He is not a great guy and he will never get better if this is him at 40. Sorry.

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Well, he’s young and immature, but also if that’s what he wants then it would make sense right that you would do him a favor and pick up food another time. Or sure take him to dinner one night, then see if he does the same, if he doesn’t then his theory of equality doesn’t have the best intentions.

From your comments, I think you need to go to therapy. The way you think about girls is so strange, it's like they aren't even people to you. All your comments are me, me, me. Oh I feel wronged because I had these expectations for this girl who clearly told me not to have these kinds of expectations, she used me she's to blame. If this is how you talk in real life, I can see why girls aren't gonna want to date you.

Edit: I don't mean this comment to be harsh, but more of a warning. I feel that your train of thought is hurtful towards yourself, the girls you want to date, and your goals.

The truth is the level of detail you give.

It’s the girl. Both of you might find strength when the next time she’s forcing herself on you two to tell her that her questions and interest in their private lives and personal relationship is unwanted and unappreciated. Your husband can also make the very visible effort to put you between them while he feigns interest in anything other than her while you break it down but make sure he also says he feels the same way or if he leads the confrontation you say you feel the same way and it is being stopped. Not should be, “is”.

Then stare at her while she tries to find words, makes excuses, tries to shift blame or otherwise gaslight the situation but no matter what she says or how she says it, either say nothing more or repeat what you said until she leaves. If she doesn’t, then you both do and make sure to move yourselves closer to the boss or head of HR for the rest of your time.

Damn sorry bro. That would really make me look at my girl different too. Plus you gotta kiss that mouth later…. I’m sure she was trying to be hot and extra kinky but extra kinky stuff needs to be discussed before hand for sure.

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So when you she comes to me, venting about what’s she’s working on, you want me to tell her to talk to her supervisor about it instead? Yeah i can’t imagine that going down too well tbh and dosent seem very emotionally supportive.

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"I want to find myself" - every 20 yr old girl. Jokes aside you are free to do what you want it's your life. But remember guys judge girls for their past, the more promiscuous the less likely we will ever get picked up as marriage potential. Also, if your relationship is going great with this guy treat him as someone you are thankful to be with not as some anchor in your life.

Does that sound like a healthy relationship dynamic?

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I appreciate this. Tomorrow I sit down to work this all out. Also work out how to increase my earnings. I know how much he has and how much makes. We are both poor, he doesn't have it.

I know i get a say, but he will create such a heavy environment that would affect my daughter. I just try to keep the peace. I let my daughter be free when he isn't home. But she knows well to follow the rules when he is home. I hate that, because I feel guilty that I am undermining him, but I just want moments for her to feel free.

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I’ve been married to my wife for 25 years and together 30. I’ve never yelled at her or my kids once.

I hope that helps …

He’s the wrong person for you.

I have and he either brushes it off or says it’s fine.

She wants his attention, she is competing with you, whether you are competing or not.

Her guy is the best she could do and the natural progression of that relationship was marriage. She obliged but has been wanting your husband this whole time. She's willing to risk it all to have him, watch your back because she's fucking dangerous.