TIFU by crying in the shower.

Submitted by SabrinaBrna t3_z8ene4 in tifu

I have PTSD linked to decades of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. From my earliest memories, I was abused. PTSD manifests itself differently for everyone. For me I have nightmares and severe depression that borders on unchecked rage when I’m not meditating. I love my life now, and the people in it. I am just giving some backstory. I try to hide my weaker moments from my husband, as I love him and do not want him to worry.

Well, last night I randomly started crying after my shower and tried to be very quiet as my hubby was in the livingroom. I thought I succeeded in hiding it. It lasted all on 60 seconds. I wandered into our bedroom, bare assed and started getting dressed.

I had already forgotten the crying event (part of my PTSD is forgetting bad things almost instantly. It was how I survived growing up) I turn around and my husband enters the room with a serious face. I immediately ask “what’s wrong? Are you ok?” He walks over to me and gives me a hug. He says that he “could ask me the same thing”. I stare at him like an idiot for a minute until he mentions he heard me crying in the shower.

I have to assure him that I’m fine, it was just a minute of random sadness. It takes a while to convince him. I feel guilty for worrying him all night.

Sorry it is a bit anticlimactic.

TLDR: Cried because random sad, hubby worried, guilt ensues

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Comments

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Reyalta t1_iybkwgz wrote

Oof. I resemble this remark. Not the same reasons for the random crying bursts... But yeah, my C-PTSD makes me so that too. You're super not alone in sudden unhinged 30 second cry attacks.

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unwholesome_coxcomb t1_iybx38h wrote

You didn't fuck up. You felt emotions. It's okay to feel and express emotions.

I agree with others who suggested speaking with a therapist to help you work through and process your emotions. I'm sorry for what happened to you. :(

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SabrinaBrna OP t1_iyf2ann wrote

I’ve tried. Every therapist has turned me down after one session because A) I can’t be seen when talking. Or else I break down and just cry. So they have to face the wall B) the trauma was so prolonged and ingrained that trying to find healthy coping mechanisms is hindered by the fact that my brain literally rewired itself to handle the trauma the best way it could and it cannot be changed

Edit: a word

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Ace_Nimble t1_iybwzpv wrote

Yes it happens to me too. Random wave of sadness. I cry for like a few seconds and then I'm ok. Glad that there is someone there for you who notices things.❤️❤️

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Tri-byte t1_iybv6qy wrote

I have a really good friend that suffered from PTSD stemming from early childhood trauma. If you're interested look into EMDR or RET therapy, it helped them with immensely reduced triggers and random PTSD episodes.

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