You made your bed so you might as well get used to laying in it. This is what happens when you play games and try to have your cake and eat it too. You knew your ex was toxic for you at a very high degree and you had a guy that just wanted you. Yet you kept going back to your ex......nah i hope L finds happiness somewhere else because you played that man for a long ass time and chose toxicity over love. So for L's sake just leave him alone and work on yourself. You obviously have a lot of issues you need to deal with before taking on a real relationship. If its meant to be then it will be.