Submitted by Intrepid_Banana7210 t3_yjaqep in tifu
I (26M) am dating a trans woman about my age. She’s wonderful, kind, and quite beautiful. I’m lucky to have her! Especially after what I did this past Sunday night.
It had been a stressful weekend and I had just arrived home from an out of state wedding. I was quite tired at this point and all I wanted was to go pack and head over to my girlfriends place and have a memorable night together.
My roommate had made dinner and saw that I was stressed out, so she gave me a glass of wine to help take the edge off. By the end of the meal I was quite full and calmed down a bit.
Feeling better, I left for my gf’s place shortly after eating.
I arrive and she opens the door in an open bathrobe. I’m immediately in the mood.
We start making out and I have her pressed up against the back of her sofa. Sexual tension is in the air and things are getting steamy. I pull her hips towards me and I press in to kiss her more… and this is where everything goes horribly, horribly wrong.
I was hoping she would catch my physics cues and arch her back, so I didn’t tell her what I wanted.
Note, I am still fully clothed with a hard metal belt buckle sitting just above her crotch, which was sitting just above the back edge of the sofa.
What happened was that as I pressed against her, she lost her balance on the back of the sofa and fell backwards.
She is a pre-op trans, so when she fell backwards, her balls snagged between my buckle and the hard back of the sofa as her weight carried her backwards.
She described it as if somebody closed a book on them and yanked.
She screams and I’m absolutely mortified. I immediately grab some ice and hand it to her before stripping and removing any potential hazards from my person for the rest of the night.
I go to her on the sofa and I sit, cradling her head in my lap apologizing.
She was extremely good humored about it, and even though she was in agony, she was laughing it off and telling me it’s okay she’s just gonna need a solid minute. And wouldn’t be able to move for a while. So, we sit together.
If you thought this was over, you are tragically mistaken.
It gets worse.
As I’m sitting there trying to comfort her, I was positioned on the sofa such that my hips were angled away from me and I was leaning over my gf with her head in my lap.
As I’m sitting, I feel a fart come along.
I was powerless to stop it, my sphincter was perfectly positioned for there to be no resistance and there was not enough time to reorient myself to hold it in. I look down at my gf and say “IM SO SORRY”
I released the toxin.
The smell was atrocious. She immediately gags and through tears of agony and laughter she articulates her feelings about how I have effectively trapped her and am now suffocating her with the vile substance emitting from my asscrack.
You’d think that would be enough, that surely I couldn’t have made this worse. You’d be wrong.
This situation was so bizarre, so unpleasant, and so embarrassing, my only response was to laugh, and to laugh really hard. So hard in fact that I choked. With a full stomach.
At which point I vomited wine all over her floor. A few times. (I cleaned it up right away)
I just want to say that I have the best gf ever. In spite of my stupidity and the awful nature of the situation, we ended up having a great night together and we’re still a happy couple. But this story is going down as my new most embarrassing memory. Hope y’all enjoyed our suffering.
TL;DR I nearly tore my trans gf balls off, farted in her face, and vomited on her floor within ten minutes while trying to be intimate. She forgave me tho
*EDIT: I’m not surprised y’all don’t believe me. That’s okay, I hardly believe it myself. Hope it made you laugh though :)
Some of you don’t like that she forgave me, so since it’s a fake story I’ll retcon here that she broke up with me on the spot and this Reddit post is my therapy homework or something 🥲
And to the person who reported me to the suicide prevention bot, thank you, you’re too kind 😂
**EDIT: I would like to apologize to the mods for inadvertently causing mayhem down there. I hope this brought about more smiles than frowns. Thanks to those who left positive comments! A lot of you guys made me laugh pretty hard 😂