Submitted by Sea-Offer-5031 t3_ym8icj in tifu
So, I am kinda on the edge of whether I actually fucked up or not. However, I do now feel very bad that I unearthed something without knowing it, causing drama.
My (21F) mother (48F) is extremely picky when it comes to gifts we get her. It really stresses me out. Only once (last year) did I successfully get her something she liked. The previous years however, she is extremely bad at faking it when she opens the gift and will usually tell me later why it was a bad gift. One year we got her this very nice heated blanket. I asked her how she liked it about a week later (my first mistake) and she told me that she doesn’t use it bc it’s too big for the couch and too small for the bed. That was two years ago and I STILL haven’t seen her use it once (I live with her). Other years it’s been much worse. When I was still in high school, my siblings and I got her an array of bath and body works products that cost a little over $100. This was apparently a terrible gift. After the fact, she yelled at me telling me how ungrateful we are and how she never has gotten anything nice in all of her life and the least her kids could do was show a little appreciation. She thought the gift was too cheap. I was crushed.
I thought my siblings (23 F, 20F, 16M, and 16M) knew about her reactions every year so when we were going through ideas as per usual, I was trying to be supportive but also tell them “well that’s not really a group present bc it’s too cheap” or “I don’t know if she’ll like that” due to my years of dealing with her responses. I explained to my sister (23F) that if we spend too little money she’ll get upset like before. She asked me to explain what I mean, so I told her about what she said previous years. She is LIVID.
My mom now is remarried to a man that spoils her a little so she doesn’t really complain like she used to (not regarding gifts) and will completely refuse to acknowledge what she said especially in front of her new husband. I think she’s a little embarrassed. I thought my sisters knew. The other siblings haven’t responded yet. I’m worried that I’ve caused an uproar over the past (my older sister definitely isn’t letting this go) and upset my siblings when they didn’t have to know. I can’t undo what I’ve done and I realize her actions aren’t my fault but I feel terrible.
tl;dr- I told my siblings about my mom’s unappreciative comments about past x-mas gifts and my older sister is furious. I feel terrible bc I thought they knew and I could have kept them in ignorance.
Edit for clarification as requested (sorry I didn’t do it earlier)- My mother was badly abused growing up and then married my abusive father. They got divorced when I was 11. At the time of the bath & body works gift, only three of us (the girls) got the present bc the boys were too young. I did not have a job at the time (my sisters did but did not work a lot) so I borrowed money (not from my mother) and worked it off. All of us (except the oldest) were minors. We also had to get gifts for our father, step-mother, and grandfather. I only mentioned my step-father as my mothers attitudes have changed (not completely gone but better) bc her life is now not as stressful and she does now occasionally get nice things (at the time we were the only ones getting her a gift). I am not AT ALL saying that just bc her husband gets her nice things that now we don’t. We still (last year included) spend a good chunk of change on her (more than our father, step-mother and grandfather) and get her the best gift we can afford. The gift she did like was an expensive purse.
Also- I keep seeing this. She has psychological problems she still needs to work through but she is NOT a narcissist. My father and step-mother are narcissists so I have spent a bit of time getting familiar. She may have been diagnosed with bipolar in the past, but I was young then so I could be incorrect.