Submitted by burner-asdasdqw t3_zxv1ys in tifu
So I'm, a University student that has recently befriended a person that is often in my classes and later developed a crush on. I became great friends with him and I had only been about a month since we actually became friends however we knew each other 3 years prior to our friendship. When we became friends, I found out that he had an eating disorder and that she occasionally cut himself. So as The reason being his father that had passed 5 years prior to present day and hasn't been as happy since.
I tried comforting him by making my presence be know, listing ways to get over his passing by making a larger social network that is willing to be there with him. He is incredibly handsome however lacks self-esteem, which is why he has very few friends and isn't the most extroverted person. Regardless I wanted to comfort him and I wanted him to stop cutting himself. His mother is quite patronizing and doesn't care about his mental health, which has proceeded to more insecurities. From what I know, his father raised him whilst his mother worked, which is why he feels so connected to him. After suggesting more ways to find happiness in other things, he eventually calmed down. Eventually my dumbass asked him if he wanted to hear a controversial opinion of mine, in which he said to tell him.
I told him that his father wasn't coming back, and there are many other people like him. And he could find other people that are just like him, other people could make him happy and that he shouldn't harm himself because of his death. He got angry by this and he blew up on me. Saying that it was his father and there won't be another, and other people aren't the same. I was initially justifying myself when he first blew up. However, after he let out more of his feelings, I realized what how badly I fucked up and immediately apologized.
Since then he has saved parts of the conversations where I am seemed like a heartless bitch posted it on his private story. Multiple people have went to verbally abuse me. I still believe that my concept it correct but I worded it harshly, I did not intend to talk shit on his father. Its currently Christmas break and our mutual friend told me to leave him alone and he won't be mad at me anymore, however I do not want our relationship of the person I've liked for 2 years now to end like this and I don't know what to do
TL;DR Made fun of my crush's father and now our blooming romance has come to an end
Revolutionary_Run206 t1_j22ogp6 wrote
In this situation, it was not helpful or appropriate for you to tell your friend to move on and find someone else to replace their loved one who passed away. Grief is a complex and personal experience, and it cannot be easily resolved by replacing the person who has been lost. It is also not fair to compare someone's loved ones to the person who has passed, as it can be hurtful and dismissive of their feelings.
To address this issue, it would be best for you to apologize sincerely for your hurtful words and try to understand your friend's perspective. It may also be helpful for them to seek out resources for supporting someone who is grieving, such as therapy or support groups, in order to better understand how to cope with their loss. Additionally, it may be helpful for you to take some time to reflect on your own communication style and try to find more effective ways of expressing your thoughts and feelings in the future.