Submitted by death_and_defecation t3_zgfmib in tifu
So there's not gonna be any major, life altering events here. Just something I can't quite process years later. Tldr at bottom.
So when I was 14-15, idk why, but I couldn't shit. I'd take miralax twice a day, often with exlax, metamucil, I've tried mineral oil, fruit juices, everything... literally everything. But sometimes even with all that, I wouldn't crap for weeks. I've had to go to the clinic bc my shit was pressing on my bottom ribs and causing a LOT of pain in my side. Doctors ran tests, I even took a tracer pill and had x rays every 2 days, they gave up after 2 weeks bc every tracer ring was still in the same spot.
It came to a point where it'd been 24 whole days without shitting. I looked like I was in the middle of pregnancy. I was in constant pain and discomfort, even drinking was difficult bc I always felt full. Went to the doctor who again took x-rays, made another joke about me being full of shit, and immediately went into his plan.
His plan? 16 doses of miralax in a gallon of water, 2 exlax chocolates, and a 10 Oz bottle of magnesium citrate. In one hour. TWO WHOLE CUPS OF MIRALAX POWDER. I measured it all out in a massive cup with pure fear in my eyes. I gagged on the awful vinegar/lemon flavored mag citrate, took the miralax with watered down juice bc I'm not committed enough to drink a whole gallon of plastic flavored water. The chocolates aren't so bad, they just taste like stale Easter candy to me. But I managed it within the hour with a toilet on standby.
Now let me warn you, if you've never taken them: all laxatives will cause some level of pain and discomfort. Stimulant ones with senna are the worst pain-wise. After about 2 or 3 hours of discomfort it begins. And I don't know why, but it felt like pure acid was leaving my asshole. Every time I let out some more, I was holding back tears and wait for the white hot pain to pass. I was in and out of the bathroom till the next day. By 6 or 7 hours in, I was essentially pissing out of my ass. Pure, clear liquid. I had become a very complex brita filter. I was reverse Jesus. I could've turned wine into water with the power of my asshole. I was now the bidet, cleaning out the toilet with my ass water. I could've put out a fire with just my ass. I was in pain, exhausted, very dehydrated, and just started fucking laughing. I think seeing myself shit water made me lose any semblance of dignity or sanity I had left and I was just laughing, alone in the bathroom, late at night. My doctor factory reset my damn intestines.
Even better, I had to do it again a couple months later, wasn't as backed up though. I swear I had to flush like 20 times. It was bad.
Tl;dr: didn't shit for 24 days, 19 doses of laxatives as per doctor, became a human water hose.
Edit: KEY DETAIL I LEFT OUT: it was bad enough my parents suggested I essentially finger my own ass in the shower to stimulate the muscles. Bc they use a wet cloth on a baby's butt to help them poop. I still can't quite wrap my head around this one
2nd edit: stop asking about my diet. Please. I was pescetarian, took metamucil, ate Greek yogurt, and was as active as you can expect a teen in school to be, which is fairly active. I understand you wanna figure it out and help but docs have asked me this before and don't know either, we are not going to have a House-like epiphany when I mention my diet or lifestyle. I also no longer deal with constipation this severe.