Submitted by tossthesoupout t3_zr7jyz in tifu
For a bit of backstory, I (F33) have a younger sister, F24 (we'll call her Dani) We also had a sister between us (she would be 25 now) and when I was 8, she died from SIDS. Almost immediately my mother was pregnant again. In her own words, "it's like God gave me a second chance".
Through our childhoods, I was given a very different upbringing. I was the one who got all of the second bests, all the mistakes so they could perfect it for their "second chance". I went to the school of fuck around and find out, whereas Dani went to a private school. I mean this literally. We were poor poor, and i went to shitty schools with shitty people where i had to fend for myself (I am autistic, late diagnosed but kids pick up on that shit). Our dad got a better job when I was 17, and with it came big money. I had the option of switching to a better school, but I was already in my final year and all my friends were at the low income school so i stayed. Dani was the golden child, and I was the spare. None of this was her fault.
Fast forward to me at 25, I fell pregnant to a casual boyfriend of mine (we will call him Shaun). He stepped up big time, and sincerely was my best friend. Our son was born, "Alex". Everything was good, and my parents adored him. A year and a half ago, Shaun and Alex were in a car crash. Shaun died, and so did Alex. The paramedics couldn't save Shaun because he had injuries "incompatible with life", to give you an idea. Alex was resuscitated, but he was starved of oxygen and is now severely disabled (limited mobility and very little speech).
My sister is 7 months pregnant. We all got together the day before yesterday, and while I was tending to Alex I overheard Dani say to my parents "aren't you glad God has given you another chance?" I was curious so I kept listening. They agreed, and I saw my mum put her hand on Dani's stomach. Dani also made a comment about how now they will have a grandkid they can interact with.
I went over and called her out. To my surprise she doubled down. I don't remember a lot of what happened because I was furious, but it ended with us both yelling, her saying my I never should've resuscitated Alex, and me punching her hard in the nose. My dad got between us and kicked me and Alex out, telling me to go cool off. I could only drive to the nearest mcdonalds carpark to cry, I don't like driving with high emotions because of the accident. Yesterday I had so many messages, my parents telling me I need to apologise for assaulting my sister and make it up to her or she will press charges. I'm so hurt and confused. I know I shouldn't have hit her but she literally said I should've let my kid die. That's something I have so much guilt for already, I know it was probably selfish to bring him back.
I'm sorry that this is so rambling, I don't know how to even begin to process this or how I'm supposed to "make this right". I would appreciate any advice if you've somehow been through something similar, I am feeling very alone with this but I'm also biased and felt I had to defend my son. I fucked up by escalating.
TL;DR : My 7 month pregnant sister said I shouldn't have resuscitated my disabled son, and I punched her. Now I'm likely facing legal charges.
Edit: I am well aware that punching her was wrong. I take full responsibility for that, and I don't deny any accusations that it makes me a terrible person. I will NOT, however, accept anyone saying that my son doesn't deserve to be alive and treated as an equal. He is a completely innocent party, regardless of if you agree with me or my sister.
Edit 2: I am about 5'2 and 60kg. I am not particularly strong, the most I can do is lift my son from his chair to other furniture. My sister is 5'8, I don't know how much she weighs, but she's always been into sports, even during her pregnancy. I didn't punch hard, and my parents have told me there is no mark. I am discussing with them what will happen, I will keep yous updated if I can.
Edit 3: copy and paste from a comment of mine, saying what happened in the fight. I block upsetting things out as a trauma response, so while I remember the course of the argument, I can't give perfect quotes.
"From what I can recall, I called her out on what she said, she doubled down. Neither of my parents would side with either of us, which made me angrier and I snapped at them saying they were out of line. Dani got defensive of them, to which I replied that they always side with her anyway. She asked what I meant and I gave some examples I think, and said they always favoured her. I also brought up the fact they were distant with their already existing grandchild, and how it's unfair to him. She brought up again that my son is apparently not good enough, to which I said he is disabled, not dead, and is worthy of their love and attention. This is when she said he was disabled because of being starved of oxygen and I shouldn't have resuscitated him. This is when I hit her."
Edit 4: Sorry I slowed down on the replies, I didn't expect so many people to answer. I've also been talking with the family and I have an update.
Dani will not press charges. I spoke directly to her and while her ego was bruised, she was not. She hasn't apologised for what she said, but I know I'm not going to be charged.
My parents... ugh. I sat them down for a long needed chat about everything. I told them how I was hurt by their actions through our childhoods, by their choosing Dani over me all the time, and most of all, agreeing that Dani's baby is a do-over. As soon as I had criticism for them, they got defensive and nothing went in. I stayed calm, told them how I feel, and let them respond. Long story short, they denied the unfair treatment as kids and called me dramatic for "bringing up old drama".
When it came to the comments about Alex, they said that they love him, but "he's just not the same". NO FUCKING KIDDING! I told them I'm not asking for them to put their lives on hold and I want them to be excited for the new baby, but they do NOT get to minimise my son. Some commenters have mistaken that he is brain dead. He is not, he is significantly disabled, but he is relearning talking and is doing fucking amazing, he loves to play, and he is the funniest kid I know. If they can't appreciate that, then they don't deserve him. I know there are milestones he will never hit, and I have mourned those. I will be thrilled when Dani's baby hits them, and I cannot wait to see my nephew/niece thrive.
My friend reminded me of something from early on in Alex's recovery. Dani said, and I quote, "it's hard to remember he's human sometimes." I was upset at this, but my parents minimised my upset and said that she only meant because he's so much less interactive, and he's like a puppy. I didn't agree with that but it was early days and I chalked it up to her mourning the life my nephew should've had. I completely forgot that she had said that, as much of that time is foggy for me.
I will not be spending Christmas or new years with my parents or Dani. My lovely friend invited me to join her family, and Alex is welcomed with open arms to join. I will be spending the holidays with them.
I apologised to Dani over voice message, saying I was sorry for hitting her but I hope she can understand that what she said was abysmal. She left it on seen.