SCENE: Early morning, Midwest America, Zero Dark o'clock
I get up to go use the bathroom. It's cold, I put on my sweat pants to go pee, still cold, I grab my bathrobe and put it on. My first mistake was not closing the bathrobe and leaving it open. After all... Why should I? Something like what's about to happen NEVER happened to me before EVER and I'm simply going to wear my robe for a min, take it off and then go back to bed. I'm standing there, legs spread, doing my business.
ENTER: the culprit quietly enters
My sweat pants are pushed down low with the tie straps dangling, the robe tie dangling and also my berries if you catch my drift. I finish peeing and do my shaking, causing all 3 items to of course, jiggle. This jiggling sealed my Doom.
My 6 months old kitten had snuck into the darkness and was watching me pee directly in front of me. The jiggling of the items caused him to leap into action...
And get caught on my balls. There he was, dangling from them, one claw (thank the gods) trapped on my scrotum, as I began bucking him off like I was a bull at a rodeo and he was holding on like he was going to set a record. I was able to get him off after 3 seconds but let me tell you, it felt like the cosmos took eons to align for that to happen first.
Thankfully he missed the actual ball itself and was stuck on the stretchy sack part. I managed to remain quiet during the altercation vocally but not physically. I got back to bed and my wife wanted to know if I was ok because it sounded like I was fighting off an intruder in the bathroom.
I'm ok now but it feels like I knicked my balls shaving but worse
TLDR: jiggled my balls in front of my kitten unintentionally going to the bathroom and he jumped up and latched on
Update: my wife says "OMG you told Reddit?!" Yeah... "WHY?!" because it's funny...
Also, my gentlemen seem fine. We're aware of cat scratch fever. Just that 1 nut sorta stings still but there is no visible mark or anything to determine where the wound is. It just... hurts but I appreciate y'all's concern over a worrisome infection