Your issues don't fucking matter. You are a terrible person and have no excuse for this. You are disgusting and you should never be allowed alone with anyone ever again.

You should be locked up you fucking creep. Why the fuck would you grope someone without first making sure its ok? Especially if they've been sexually assaulted before. You are a monster. You deserve the worst possible treatment.

The awkward conversations suck so bad, but they must be had. It seems easier to just kick the can some days rather than throwing in the towel. But being as young as you are, and how new your relationship is, it’s best to move on before building any more on an attachment on either end. You should still be in the “honeymoon” phase and if your having cold feet now it will only intensity from here on out

Just a thought...

You might want to consider getting professional help (therapist, psych). There seems to be a reoccurring theme that might have deeper roots.

Dude, it's pretty normal. At least in America.

I mean... Isn't it? At least like weed or mushrooms at some point if you're in the midwest. Unless your parents are the most super conservative people or they didn't have you until they were in their thirties. At least in my experience there's a good proportion of them that at least dabbled.

That person does not need your permission to not share personal information they don't want to and making a vagina joke in this context makes you look like a creep. Be better.

The way in which you described that this GF is now your wife after 47 years would make your quirky dad proud.

Yup that's the one.

Wow. This should be titled "How to make the most of your fuckup in a few easy steps. "

O' Christmas Pee, O' Christmas Pee.

Maybe, but finding out would involve pouring into their parent's sex life, so I guess we'll never know 🤷

That's de Sade in a nutshell: telling you what a libertine he thinks he is, while being endlessly repetitive to make sure you remember that rules are being broken. Aims for transgressive, lands on boring. Justine is like that, too; after a while it's less "oh no, poor Justine, set upon by all these creatures of lust" and more "what haven't they done yet? let's tuck that in. Oh we did that? Let's triple it up".

I think a misplaced perspective here is also that you cheated on your girlfriend because you were worried about not being good at sex…

Be foolish, win foolish prizes.

That being said I hope HSV2 hasn’t been so bad for you. You are still datable. There are many people with herpes and all people make mistakes.

I’d just say that this was a joke gift for boyfriend that got mixed up.

You may think so, but I assure you you are not.

My brother in law got one for my mom for Christmas one year because my parents camp. I was laughing. So hard. It was a gag gift kinda. But I think she probably brings it camping. Perfect gift for the ladies in your life. 😂😂

Thank you, this made me smile and I really needed it. I also think the gift is a bit sweet as well. I have had to pee quite a few times out in the wild and having to squat and worry about pee splashing on my ankles was quite a disadvantage in those cases. The newness of the relationship does make it awkward though haha

It’s not a FU. This is the timeline where you’re happily together with her.

[deleted]

[deleted]

[removed]

There are people, honest, who would do that. I mean, flee into the bathroom and frantically post. I’ve seen things!

Your brother is paying her to ask.

Lol! Tears running down my face - hope no one comes into the kitchen to ask why

Haha nah it was more of a light pat, thankfully. There was no pushing involved.