So this reads as you assaulting one woman, finally realizing that you cant make her talk to you about it and going to a different woman to make her do emotional labor. If you cant be alone with your thoughts, there are professionals to assist and hotlines for when you cant get an appointment. My whole point is stop asking women to do emotional labor for you. “If she doesnt feel comfortable to talk about it then she should not feel any obligation”. My dude, you are saying that you have active ideations of suicide right now. There are few people who would not “feel an obligation” in that situation. 988 is free and appears to be international. Call them.

Yes

Don't know what 'it' you're talking about. But yeah, I don't have my own emotions involved.

Exactly.

Look on the bright side, you didn’t break anything this time

This kind of reply literally isn't helpful to anyone and will only make him more resentful, toxic and probably increase the chances of him doing something bad again OR commiting suicide. If someone has acknowledged they did a very bad thing and is showing remorse, this kind of reply isn't constructive or helpful.

Are you talking about my best friend or about Becky? If you mean Becky, she has told me that she wants to be left alone so I am doing that. It is entirely her decision and if she does not want to talk to me again then I won't talk to her again. That's the pill I'm trying to swallow. If you mean my best friend, I called her up and told her about all of this because I had to get it off my chest and I was afraid to be left alone with my thoughts. I am not making her talk about this though, I am telling her something and she responds how she sees fit. If she does not feel comfortable to talk about it then she should not feel any obligation to do so. I have told her that one or two times right at the beginning when I called her up to tell her but I will make sure to remind her of that again. She obviously is not a free therapist, she is my friend and if she does not/can not offer me support than she is in her rights to not do so.

Oh boy. OP when a girl tells you she doesn’t see you as a potential romantic partner then believe her even if you think she might not mean it. I think Becky genuinely only saw you as a friend back then and now as well. I think she allowed you to touch her chest out of fear you may choose to force more to happen if she says no, it’s a defence mechanism. From what I’m reading you seem to really need an outlet to talk about your feelings and experiences aka therapy (and I mean this nicely of course- i myself am in therapy) because the way you behave and react is not healthy. You are here for advice and this is my advice to you: Meet with a therapist and work on yourself and the therapist will definitely help you find a way to make it up to Becky. Definitely consider limiting your alcohol intake, it’s not safe to drink so much. Good luck op, you don’t seem like a bad dude but if you don’t choose to work on yourself and improve then something like this could potentially happen again (maybe even worse).

no. you must get consent before touching at all and touching elsewhere

otherwise you risk violating boundaries and being accused of sexual assault

Idk about this. Most of my hook ups come when I’m drunk or fucked up and I can consent just fine.

No, bottom.of the barrel are $20 lot lizards and $10 crack fiend BJs.

H.A.L.T hungry angry lonely tired. If I am any of these things I stop what I am doing and fix it before I damage a relationship. Christmas is lot if pressure when another person's family is involved. Don't beat yourself up over it. Learn and move on. Merry Christmas!

I’ve ended up making out and playing with the tits of a lot of my female friends when we’re drunk sharing a bed. Some of them we have sex, a couple others - like this girl - the boundary is between the legs even when they’re naked in bed. The thing is once you find the boundary is and if it gets to “no” then that’s just it, the answer is no. You do not try again. Saying this from both sides of the coin, I’ve always respected no when they aren’t comfortable going further, and all my female friends have always respected when I said no when we we were fooling around a bit but I didn’t want to go all the way to fucking. It’s okay to find the boundary if there is one, but once you do you better respect it.

I think in a lot of close male/female friendships the reaction would’ve been “it’s all good just keep the hands above the waist” but A) you tried twice after being told no and B) she had been previously sexually assaulted and you knew this beforehand

Maybe she’ll be okay with you in time, maybe she won’t but that’s her call. In the meantime learn from this and don’t be shitty- no means no.

Stop being emotional lmao it was a normal reply

You are not within your rights to make her talk to you about this. Women arent free therapists. Go hire a professional and leave her alone

It means that since I've managed to say a triggering thing, my points wouldn't make any difference to the conversation anymore. It started with the wrong foot. I would sound like an asshole even more. Replies would be intentionally personal and mocking. I've already had a miserable dialogue with some pissed individual and it's exhausting.

To answer your question, they're mostly filled with hate in these kind of occasions.

This this!!! The immediate “breakdown” and “trying not to cry”. Give me a fucking break. OP assaulted her and then made her comfort him!! I know that im reacting because this was the pattern of my abuser but this fucking shit needs to end. OP, leave her alone, get therapy and stop drinking for the foreseeable future.

Her opinions just got promoted to Captain.

What a shitty gift :)

Most of the commenters here are just taking the guys story and escalating things out of proportion. OP came out and he assumed that what he did was wrong. We all agree on that part, but calling the guy names/ insulting him is not going to help anyone nor OP.

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Ouh boy. It's a pretty long story but: There was this other girl, also a close friend of mine, who had been in love with me for over a year by that point. She never outright told me until this year but I always knew because she was not especially subtle about it and constantly gave off hints that she has feelings for me. Eventually, I also developed feelings for her but because I was scared of commitment and because I knew how vulnerable she was and I was scared that I could hurt her I never confronted her about it and just...ran from it. She then shortly got together with her ex, which made me regret the whole thing. That's when Becky and I met. I ended up latching myself onto Becky for emotional support and I thought I was starting to like her, although looking back at it now, it's very likely I was just talking myself into it to distract myself and I tried to transfer my already existing, pretty strong feelings for that other girl onto Becky. She felt completely overwhelmed by it and rejected me, telling me that no matter what, she could never see me as a romantic prospect (though she told me that was not true this year, so it probably was just a coping response) and that she really likes me as a friend and does not know how to act around me now as she does not want to hurt me. The other girl and her boyfriend then broke up almost immediately again, I do not know why but I know that she had been conflicted about having feelings for me (a guy she thought would never give her a chance) and wanting to go back to her ex from the start so the possibility of me being the reason for their break up does exist I guess. Anyhow, she tried spending time with me again but I kept telling myself that I had moved on to Becky and because I came to regret giving up so quickly on that girl I got really fixated on not giving up on Becky so fast. We both did some bad things, we were constantly arguing when with our friends and although I do have to admit that I should have been more mature about it back then, her constant remarks about our fractured friendship, eg talking about movies or memes with our friends and then saying to me "You know, I would really like to show you but oh, we are keeping our distance from each other" made more angry at her, so we kept exchanging remarks like these back and forth. Eventually, I made a bet with my friends that she would develop feelings for another guy in that group (which did end up happening) and when she found out about it, she singled me out about it and broke off our friendship. She and him got together and he broke up with her a couple months later because he felt bored by her not being toxic enough (sounds like a joke but that's literally what happened). Hadn't heard from her since, until the end of last year when it just so happened that we started to slowly get in contact again through our mutual friends, but since then the contact between her and them slowly faded away so I was the last one of our friend group to be in contact with her. There's more to it but this is basically the gist of it.

No it’s supposed to be funny and you laughed. I will have a good day ty ☺️

Is that supposed to hurt me? 😂 You clearly have anger issues dude. You're being a hypocrite and telling someone else to go to therapy when you have no emotional regulation whatsoever.

Get help. Have a good day. :)

This reads like it was written by a woman