[deleted]

Yeah you're probably right. I do want to mention that I probably am physically weaker then her but at the of the day that doesn't really matter. It was a scary, fucked up situation for her and I can't imagine how much damage I must have caused.

Many of us live in areas where that would be a useless waste of money as it only snows once/twice a year. Our only option is to not drive during icy conditions or take public transport.

Based on the prices you quoted, this is a made up story.

A little more research next time and you might pull off a convincing story.

?? When you’re on a low income and have bills and kids to pay for…you literally have no other option. I speak as someone on a pretty low income saving/investing 60% of my paycheck. I realise my privilege as I don’t pay rent/bills. If I did I’d be homeless. Not everyone can afford an emergency fund.

I agree w you specially that I was shocked when she said that she's not comfortable talking to him when he texted her later cuz it doesn't flatter the fact that she told him that it was ok to touch her tatas so what you're saying makes perfect sense! I really wish I would give her a hug and at the same time I feel the OP's regret and wish he would seek for needed help and personally I don't think I'd be ok w this friendship after something like that even if I fully forgive the person so I'm only hoping for both their comfort within themselves

I feel like shit right now. I lost what i valued the most, a family. Again. If i were to not say a thing, it would not happen. I knew she cheated, but if i didnt say it... god..

Then make an appointment or call a hotline. If i knew someone was suicidal, i would reach out too. If only so i wouldnt feel guilty if something happened. And btw “spending time with her to distract myself etc etc etc” is asking her to do emotional labor. The words you use dont matter when it is clear what you are asking. A suicidal person saying “oh just tell me if it is too much but let me share my feelings and distract myself” is asking her to shoulder the burden.

If you are an adult, take the steps you need and be an adult

>I haven’t had a nice Christmas since childhood and i just hate this holiday. All i see are happy stories everywhere and all this good cheer and I can’t relate.

I hear ya and just so you have more Christmas stories you can relate to I'll give you a rundown about mine this year and last.

This year: spent with my FIL and his spouse (husband's stepmother), FIL/StepMIL picked a fight about mental health "labels" on Christmas eve, had a new gas range cooker installed on Christmas eve that ended up with a gas leak due to incompetent installers. Christmas day, dinner was abandoned half eaten after my husband innocently pointed out a dent in the oven doors of the new cooker, courtesy of the installers, which sent my StepMIL into a depressive, anxious, tearful fit. She went upstairs to cry and refused to come down until late evening.

Last year: spent with my MIL and her spouse (husband's stepfather), husband and I were largely ignored most of Christmas eve and day, they all opened presents without us (even the ones we had brought over the previous evening) so we opened our gifts from them alone. StepFIL sat silently watching his horseracing and being antisocial. I had some video calls with my overseas family to nake, StepFIL felt slighted for no reason over it and picked a huge row with my husband over me and we left shortly after the screaming match ended. The fight ended with husband and stepFIL yelling, myself and MIL crying and SIL trying to comfort me by taking me up to her room away from the fighting. Boxing day was very awkward and quiet.

I haven't spent Christmas with my parents since 2018 and when I did it was super stressful with my controlling/abusive mother trying to make everything picture perfect and making the whole day miserable for everyone each year.

Honestly the gas leak/cooker tantrum this year is the best Christmas I've had so far, along with the last Christmas I spent in my FILs house in 2019!

The cost of the escort, them being 'uglier' than their pictures, and the stds almost makes me think this is an anti sex work fiction

I did not intend for her to do "emotional labor" I am merely spending time with her to distract myself and telling her how I feel and what happened so she knows what's going on. I have done the same for other people numerous times and I have done it for her too. I have supported her when she told me about feeling suicidal and had battles to fight. I have always repeatedly reassured her to not shy away from reaching out to me because if she needs my support, I want to be there for her as much as I can, as friends do. Since I felt capable of doing that and comfortable with doing so, I do not think of this as something that is completely off-limits because from my experience it is reasonably manageable. I am however aware of how sensitive of a topic this is (this referring both to the incident, as well as suicidality) and that there are definitely people who do not know how to deal with it and just have to do so because they feel obligated. But she told me numerous times that she needs me to promise to reach out to her if I am going through something or struggling with mental health and so I trust her to know how much she is comfortable with if she made me promise that. If she does not feel comfortable than it is perfectly ok for her to just decline that, there are other ways how she can be there for me and even if she doesn't have the time or energy to do so, it is not and never was her responsibility to take care of me, I am an adult and I am willing to work on any problems that come my way or that are inherent to me by myself. I am trying so hard to not make her feel obligated to take care of me and beyond my first initial call, she has been reaching out to me to check up on me on her own which I am infinitely thankful for but I do not expect her or anyone to do so. This does obviously not replace professional help, I know that.

Something similar happened to me. I used to live in an apartment with a friend. As far as I know he never has had a relationship with someone or been intimate with anyone. I was waiting on a package once from Amazon and one came in the mail. I assumed it was mine but when I opened it, there was just this huge bottle of lube.

I texted my friend and said "I put your package in your room from Amazon." To this day he still swears that he didnt prefer it from Amazon but we had a good laugh about it

You didn't ruin anything ...you just made a hilarious memory for the future, at his expense. Ha! Kidding. Don't be too hard on yourself. It was an accident - but if you feel bad, I'm pretty sure you can find a way to make it up to him.

This comment right here needs to be higher up. ESPECIALLY if alcohol is involved and ESPECIALLY if we're talking about survivors of SA.

You contacted 4 STDs on your first sexual encounter, after paying 400/hr, That must have been traumatizing... So sorry

yeah, I don't know wtf this guy is on about. probably a virgin himself, cause everyone I had sex with was very comforting whenever I underperformed, convincing me it's okay, it happens, that they still had fun, etc. Only expectation was that I'm not selfish and finish what I started in some way, shape or form.

The only thing here that was a real issue is the sexist comments her bf made at her expense.

You shouldn’t feel bad, she needs help because she has a pattern of behaviour that she cannot sustain; as proven by her trying to regain control by threatening to hurt herself if you go. She needs to be surrounded with people she doesn’t know who can make logical and rational decisions on her best interests without emotional attachment.

It’s a shit situation but she’s in the best place she can be. You need to prepare yourself for what comes next and this time apart can give you that breathing room to gather yourself and think about what the best plan is for you and your daughter. If you’re at the bottom the only way you can go is up! Good luck, I hope things turn around for the better for you all.

“Permission to play with the tiddies?” “Permission granted”

Or “can I put my hand in your pants” isn’t sexy

Honestly you can usually tell when people are open to it (well not this guy). If someone tells you they have a boundary simply don’t cross it.

She needs help that you can't give her.

I’ve been there, but didn’t drive myself, so I was not able to opt out.

I’ve also had many years of bad Christmas’s, so this was all too real.

All I can say is, “I’m sorry you went thru that. I wish you peace and love.”

[deleted]

Thanks. Yeah I entirely agree with what you said, I also don't think she just saw me as a friend, both back then and now and that allowing me to touch her chest was a defense mechanism because she was scared of me. I just said that her being unable to ever see me as a romantic prospect turned out to be not true because over the last few months, she told me multiple times that she wouldn't rule that possibility out from ever happening and even back then we could've ended up together if things had gone differently and if we hadn't met at a time where we were both going through other things. Of course, that doesn't mean that she ever did see me as a romantic prospect and I don't think she did. I now that I have been displaying destructive behavior even back then (emotionally harmful to both myself and others) and I am continually working on that. I thought I was already much better then back then and much more in control of myself and that I had moved on from a lot of my problematic tendencies but it looks like maybe I just bottled things up. I have a lot to think about and to work on and this mistake something that I will always carry with me and that I will never be able to forgive myself but I'm willing to be better from here on out.

She does it everyday on autopilot. Christmas is no different to her.

Probably the best comment from from this post worth reading...period. All the downvoters and people choosing to insult the guy should definitely read this.