Uh-huh. A lady calls looking for “John” and you call her a whore.

…

Where is the story, here, exactly?

(Edit: typo)

You can’t just go and console another woman while in a committed relationship. The intentions may be pure but emotional conversations lead to vulnerability and attraction. Just don’t do it.

Hi there!

You can always file bankruptcy if it’s that bad.

Always pee before and after sex, take cranberry and d mannose pills. Shower after

Is it free babysitting? Please tell me you didn’t yell at your mom while she was doing you a favor.

Scruff is where it's at!

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Now it's a great time to use dye remover. In case there isn't any nor time to buy some. Wear an outfit that use gloves AND DON'T REMOVE THEM and you'll be fine

Having worked at Walmart for 8+ years, I did that shit all the time. Only ever stopped after I quit and got a job that wasn't so repetitive that I'd forget what planet I was on.

Why are you asleep at 10pm on a cruise?

I had to make some chemical changes and neuron signals within my skull organ to start to comprehend what you meant.

Once the realization was made I simultaneously fired off more neuron signals to facillitate movement of arm and hand meat and rubber bands in order to make my booger hooks form groupings of letters of the English language in order to bring a skull organ communication from me to you, and that's that it was fucking stupid that you didn't just say "i peed"

Say it like Mr Burns

Awhore whore!

Lady on the other end: how does she know?

Dress up like Holly Golightly and wear opera gloves.

Up to ‘I panicked and pushed him away’ I’m with you and was thinking the same thing and I agree with your suggestions. But that’s where it should have ended, it should have been clear that things were over and there was a miscommunication in expectations. Everything past that was inexcusable.

Roll tide

Have you put a sticker on his forehead yet?

Might've called the second time thinking she must've misdialed.

Go get a cab of brakleen.

You did a dumb. A real dumb.

Not even a single letter.

Make-up remover wipes or micellar water have always worked for me - deep purple color everywhere.

I did something similar when I was younger. Years later I found out he sexually abused his own son. You could have dodged a bullet.

Hopefully your friend has cameras in the apartment and has captured video of this guy. I’m sure that she’ll see this incident as she’s reviewing the video, looking for your masturbation sessions

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Go all in, dye your forearms