Id say your marriage means more than a marriage bouquet... maybe gently remind her if she holds a grudge :)

Sample is crazy 💀

I have a strong stomach, but that smell is absolutely instant vomit!

She was midway through double clicking her mouse the second time and just needed to hear it once more... you consigned that lady to the female equivalent of blue balls.

You sure you want to be married?

Make up remover wipes are worth a shot but I was always taught in cosmetology school that color removes color. So you could try taking a small amount of hair color and washing your hands with that and soap. Obviously don’t let it sit too long but lather it good and also add some salt as an exfoliant and see if that helps. Sally’s should also have some color remover options available as well.

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For me, it's that you knew it was risky,and lubed up just in case. That's my kind of thinking, hahaha.

Honestly, there are worse ideas to test, at least the family got a laugh.

I had a zucchini in my fridge go bad once, opened the bag and immediately puked into the bag....not the best experience

Yeah I would never do that and I don't think it makes me a bad partner. With the caveat that if it was somehow life-threatening or an urgent emergency I'd do whatever I needed to do. But I might puke while doing it lol.

I wasn’t prepared enough 😂

Please, please, please, DO NOT procreate.

Yeah I've heard those kinds of stories but I've never actually met anyone who had that story. I think it may be clever background marketing by tinder to draw more people into their app.

And yet it took 3 people and all the oil in the house

No way!! That was the janitor's magic trick. Sometimes he used Vaseline, but mostly he just turned them around and sent them on their way. It must have happened often for him to have a technique. The kid would stay trapped and other pupils and teachers would hover around until the janitor turned up and instructed them.

Oh yes, my family is giving me shit for it

It’s called being prepared

Good thing you don't have a stepbrother.

This post is now your "cute youtube announcement video."

And it's not a TIFU. This pregnancy announcement will set a new standard of comedy. Congrats.

Try baking soda! pulls dye out of the skin, but it does exfoliate so be careful

What's a banister?

Oh well. She gave you a window bro.

I’d hit her with “idk why, you’re beautiful”

I understand the urge to stick your head in there, but I got my head stuck once when I was 4 years old so I've learned my lesson. It was actually a pretty chill affair overall so it's not like it's a traumatic experience or anything. I just know I won't get a pass for it now that I'm not a toddler.

So you didn't think anything bad would happen but brought butter just in case? Sure.

I think the problem was that I squeezed it in there.