I wonder why your boyfriend made you block him

Much appreciated. It always helps to take more time to develop the characters even if it makes the story longer.

This sort of post isn't the type of thing you post from your main account.

Legally speaking, I don't think there's ever been a case where a post from r/tifu has been used as evidence.

So how is it being related to Yoda?

Aaand this is your first post? Ok.

Unfortunately I'm a very boring guy. Next time I sexually assault someone I'll be sure to include my sad backstory, just for you.

LOL right! Ya almost gotta prepare like a secret spy mission haha

Once I jerked off so much my cock looked like Mario Judah.

You just told a few million people. Post an update after your trial.

I’m a very loud person… I could be sitting right next to a person and just my standard talking is loud af, but I’m working on it :D my fiancé is a deep sleeper and the phone wasn’t very loud.

The best apology is taking action to not let it happen again. Quit drinking. Go to therapy, both individual and couples. Don't make her drag you or do all the work of setting up the appts, take initiative and suggest it and follow through yourself. If she doesn't want couples therapy go to individual by yourself. PsychologyToday's Therapist Finder makes it very easy to get connected if you are in the US and several other European/South American countries.

I love the premeditation. Should have kept an empty beer bottle nearby... alcohol almost always explains these things

The setup for the characters is lacking. Im just not emotionally invested in them enough to care. Did you also write season 8 of GOT?

I've had nearly the same thing happen to me off hinge. Though we were only talking for a few days she hit me up for gas money to get home from work because her mom's new card hadn't come in yet or something like that. It was like 30 minutes after I got up for work, she asked for 20 but it didn't quite feel right so I sent 10 feeling bad for her. She promised she'd take me out to lunch the next day but she ghosted. Shit happens but we live and learn.

You need to be locked up

I had elaborate plans on how to surprise my husband each time and both times ended up just blurting it out when I left the bathroom. Haha.

And not to scare you, but if you have any more abdominal pain like that, I'd go get checked out by your OB or ER ASAP. Abdominal pain in early pregnancy can be a sign of ectopic pregnancy that needs immediate treatment so it doesn't risk your life.

I think you you should.delete this and try again. I think you can be more creative, and tell us a more plausible story.

Accidentally huh, that's what they always say.

Man, I've read a lot of bad things on here but you may have won.

Your wife must feel so humiliated. Her friend must feel so icky.

Alcohol is no excuse.

The thing you did was in inside you and alcohol let it out. I kinda refuse to accept the excuse of wanting to comfort the friend.

My suspicion is that you're freaked out about the commitment of getting married and have a tendency to self sabotage.

I don't think abstaining from drinking is going to be enough to save this level of screw up. Curious to see what people think could help.

You're way over thinking it.

Oh it was worse then that.... not a jar it was a circle cut out of the entire bakery display case (I was meant to reach in by hand) but I heard my brother say the magic words.... "do it you won't" and I definitely did..... it took about 4 hours for them to cut the glass out of the display then cut a chunk out so I was free!! (Might not have been that long but certfelt like it!!

Not the best idea... those firefighters may have just encouraged you to keep shoving your head through the jar, because 'hey, free cookies!' :P

Just be careful lol, some gender reveal parties have gone very wrong.

Same shit different year