Your wife must be quite precocious to be a well paid surgeon at 29.

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Be glad it wasn't really a burst appendix. I've had twelve other surgeries and all of them added together didn't match that pain.

There's something about the writing here that makes me think this is fiction- in I'm wrong, and this is true; you've just created a core comedic memory you can both laugh over.

I see a weird rose thing

>orgasms are not worth this

They may be different for everyone, but I guess for most, they are totally worth whatever it takes.

Forbidden pickled orange

WTF?

Ok since no one else will ask and I’m none the wiser, is the toy the rose? And do you put that in your butt?

Nah, the one thing he did right was letting her know

A husband who can be there for you through thick or thin, or gone through the entire massive diarrhea event with you, is definitely a keeper.

>why is it an immediate cut to gay? Why not bisexual? Clearly you have a girlfriend. Not saying you are gay.

I'm not gay but a lot of gay people are in straight relationships out of pressure, or because they think that's what's right, and apparently my girlfriend thought that's the deal with our relationship. I tried to explain to her that I was straight, but from her point of view, it was pretty damning evidence.

My parents had me in their late thirties.

Sometimes I'm a little sad that I won't have as much time with them as I would if they'd had me when I was younger.

But it was the right choice for them, and ultimately better for me. They were stable in their thirties in a way they weren't in their 20s. If I'd been born earlier they would have had to take care of me in grad school and we would have had to move every few years. And there would have been a huge financial strain. My mother probably would have had to give up her career, which would have been hugely unfair to her. I'm glad that I didn't cause them so much stress and problems, and I'm sure my childhood was better for it.

Lmao right? No way this is real

Wow, that title was a group of words I never expected to see together…

Aww

Maybe you can have it replicated with silk flowers from wedding photos. I'm really sorry it fell and broke, but I am sure your wife will understand it was an accident.

I'm just posting to point out one thing:

Your mom didn't take you to the ER because you needed to take a shit.

She took you to the ER because you needed to leave a shit.

This seems really simple. Why do so many people get it confused?

Nothing says class like being blackout drunk on your wedding day

I'm gay but can totally appreciate the human form, regardless of gender.

Yeah I have no idea what that even is hahaha

1st off, weird and concerning. 2nd why is it an immediate cut to gay? Why not bisexual? Clearly you have a girlfriend. Not saying you are gay.

That red thing? I never seen any toy like that before in my life. Unless your mom is a real perv and expert on sex toys, I doubt she knows what it is, or at least not 100% sure.

Congratulations! Cherish this memory since it is wholly yours and original to boot! (More than the original plan would’ve been! ;) also, good luck with the upcoming baby!

I remember my wife having to sit down on the kitchen floor after the first pregnancy test. It was her first month off the pill and she was sure we were going to wait six months before she got pregnant. Our second child happened just as quick! Sometimes things just click!

A Reddit stranger's comment would not be the level of trauma that causes splitting. You seem to be here solely to insult people, not really to tell your TIFU. Before you tell me to do research: degrees in Psychology and health care.