Sugar rush really hit hard huh 💀

Its alcohol not you. Say it like u mean it that it was the booze talking and not you.

It's a clit stimulation toy. Prob not any use for butt play at all. My wife used to have one. There is a little nub (?idk what to call it?)) inside the hole that moves at different speeds/directions. She liked it alright. It stopped charging after 2nd charge though. She hasn't bought a new one.

Love all the grinch jokes 🤪

Ah. I still don’t understand. But that’s prolly cos English isn’t my “main”. But thanks for answering!

Nowadays, toilet flushing fetishes are really driving up the water bill!

User name checks out…

Well is called The Rose.

Does your, um, hobby get in the way of intimacy with your GF? Like are there times she initiates and you can’t perform because you just busted?

Folks got too much time on their hands 😂

High-proof alcohol. Clear is best. Pure ethanol if you can find it. Scrub with it.

It removes Sharpie from lab materials in a quick wipe, it will probably help.

Ha! I teach high school English and work a lot on reminding my students to remember their reader, so it came out naturally.

Also the thing she points to as evidence reflect more on OP than OPs mum.

Evidence #2 is a very valid point for a pregnant person and OPs mum probably told her not to because of the added risk of COVID. Evidence #1 sounds mean, but I think that depends on how it was said and likely is directly related to evidence #2 (i.e. mum said don't do that because you might get sick which puts your baby at risk. OP didn't listen and got sick, OPs mum was irritated at OPs attitude and that was something she had in the chamber and foolishly said something extreme).

I need eye bleach after imagining what a forgotten zucchini inside a person might look like. The plastic bag was bad enough…

If anything you might have increased your chances with the girl you fancy. She might now be wondering why you didn't ask for her number.

Regardless you did nothing wrong and enjoy this ride we call life! Happy New Year!!

Tell me you're American without telling me you're American ;)

I bet the old jannie at my primary could have done it. He has those skills. Lucky you had people to help you or you might still be there.

OP’s wife behaves around sweets like my 4 year old niece behaves around sweets

That’s a skill to involuntary just go into autopilot mode to jerkoff. Are you able to autopilot clean up also? That would be ideal

Correct me if I am wrong, but my guess is that may be a clitoris suction toy of sorts?

It’s no coincidence that “orange” rhymes with “strange”

I've never read a post in which I was referred to as 'reader'. Got to say, it's a nice feeling to be included, OP! Kudos also for your third paragraph, which I am sure is prime r/brandnewsentence material.

Sorry about the incident, and hope it hasn't put you off it for life!

Next time, hide your toys behind in your bible, God will protect your secret

Ok, if not for a series of bizarre life experiences I’ve had I would guess there’s no way you can forget something in there and not know it. But I’ve personally discovered buried treasure in a few vaginas over the years.

What video was it? Maybe you can recommend it to your dad, this will be a new level of your relationship